Glam, I am so sorry this madness is making you ill. I do understand your feelings and frustrations. You have been "working on this marriage" for a long time now and you have had your ups and downs before and bounced back.
I think you need to make a judgement for yourself and family based on you and your feelings.
To some it may seem that you want to throw in the towel (and nobody would blame or judge you if you did/do) because of your h's depression. I actually think it is maybe more than that. I do think you really need to set firm boundaries for yourself. You do need to have no expectations. Zero. You maybe need no contact to give yourself a chance to evaluate your feelings from a distance.
I like the list idea for moving but I would also make a list as to the pros and cons of continuing in this limbo relationship against just moving ahead for yourself and family.
We know you love this man or the man he was but life does not stand still for us whilst they go off to lala land for 3/5/x years and then normal service is resumed, you then have the hardest bit so we are told of peicing, so that is alot of years and life.
No one can really help you make that decision, we all know people still waiting 10 years on, we all know people who seem to give up at the first hurdle, it really is an individual choice. It seems like if it makes you ill then you are not really detached enough and I don't know how you can do that living as you do now with him coming by so frequently yet still full of anger and blaming at you.
One thing is certain is that you must take better care of you, are you sure this detox thing is helping your body? you could well be short of the natural vits and minerals your body needs to stay healthy and fight the stress in your life. As you are the only responsible adult at present in your kids lives you must put yourself first.
So get that pen and paper out and do those lists. It helps also rid your brain of the overload.
Do please look after yourself Glam. This is your life not a dress rehersal.
