He's ticking down the MLC checklist

[kjensen]

DB
I see similarities to my situation. I guess the part of how DBing fits in with more traditional MC is tricky for me as well-I'm not in MC, but couples counseling. Would H go for individual counseling? Is your MC therapist aware of DB ideology?

My H, I think, would have gone even further off the deep end if I had completely distanced and gone dark. What seems to be having small positive effects for me is being friendly, positive and acting "as if" things are going well. Not engaging in discussion fo R/OW or A. For the most part those are triggers for my H's anger(because of his guilt/confusion).

I think focusing on you versus focusing on him can only lead to healthier interactions. Be the best person/partner you know how to be without rescuing/mothering. Validate, actively listen..don't ask alot of him right now..

Your H has to come to some of these realizations(triangle, manipulations of the OW) on his own(or with the MC help)-otherwise those ideas won't stick and he may reject them while blaming you when they don't gel with his changing world view.

What kind of passive agressive behavior?

I'm sure Jack will have some sound advice, after he ponders...