I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

The lake house has been a great retreat through all of this. I plan to head out and go camping at my deer lease this weekend with my friends. I still have my ups and downs, but my buddies usually don't let me get down too low.

I felt torn about leaving for the weekend at first because the W said that was one of her many reasons to leave. This made me wonder if I should give up fishing and hunting completely to pursue turning my marriage around. I even offered to sell my boat and drop the hunting lease when everything first happened. Looking at things now, if I were to give these things up completely, I wouldn't be being true to myself.

I have come to the realization that the hunting and fishing is not what the core problem is. Sure, it may have a negative impression to her but she always encouraged these activities for the 15 yrs that we have been together. She has been invited on every trip that I have ever gone on. If it was starting to bother her, she could had talked to me about it.

The distance is helping me clear my mind and look at things with a clearer perspective as well. I do love her and miss her. I also want to work on the marriage. However, I also realize that I can't make her do anything and that I can only control myself.