Ahhhh! I get it now. And, yes, I had to smile. I think I am just a walking contradiction.
What I am ready for is to allow myself to see that there are men out there who will treat me better. I didn't want to admit that to myself- I wanted to keep fooling myself into believing that despite all, XH is a great guy.
Well, he's not. RIGHT NOW, he is not honest, he is not giving, he complains a LOT, and he is selfish. There. I said it out loud. OK, not really. But in print. If you go thru everything that I have ever written you will see that it is pretty rare that I speak badly of him. It is still really hard for me to say the word "Liar." I don't know why it is so hard to come to terms with that.
The online dating thing comes more from my lack of confidence in putting myself out there. I don't think I want anyone looking at my pic and judging me on it. Actually, I am sure I don't want that. I don't see that ever changing. I am sure there are great guys to be had out there, but it will never be the way I could go about it.
People reject sex toys? Sheesh. What kind of world are we living in?
