T2SP I just realized I am NOT no where over my xh. I really and truly thought I was getting better, and I am NOT. I was lying to myself and others. I dont have any contact with him but like you said, I am still dwelling on him. He just pulled in my driveway and let my son out and pulled out like a race care driver. He told my son not to aggraviate me. Son came in and told me about is fishing trip and told me his dad wanted to come home because he missed ow. He also said they are getting married in Aug. I just said ok. When son went upstairs, I broke down. This is where I realized I am not over him and dont know if I ever will be. I need help. I dont think as of right now how much longer I can continue to hide my feelings, I am hurting and all I want to do is sleep. I also think my time is up here in MLC. Jack says everyone is getting tired of helping me because I want help myself, but honestly other than a counselor I dont know how to find myself or help myself. I have sit and thought, what do I want to do? What do I like to do? And I cant think of nothing I want to do with my time. I dont know of anything. Some say make a list of things you always wanted to do. Well there is nothing. Is this normal? Why dont I have things I would like to do? All I can think about is the things I liked to do was with my h. I looked forward to talking about his fishing trips and his stories. My life was him and I have lost it. I have went dark to try and help myself and also to let him see life without NO CONTACT from me. It's been one month and he could care less, he is in love and she love him. They seem SOOOO HAPPYYYYY and I am jealous of what she has with him. Being dark hasnt done anything for me other than make me miss him even more. He is so afraid of losing her that he doesnt even have my phone number stored in his phone. My son couldnt call me because he couldnt remember my new number. I asked him why he didnt get it from dad and he said dad didnt know either. Dad was in a hurry to get home to his soon to be wife. They have been dating for around 2 or 3 months and apparently its true love so I am just a memory if that. I truly dont think xh will ever be back, whether its MLC or not. He met me and asked me to marry him in about 4 months later and it lasted 20 years. So why wouldnt this marriage last?
Anyway thanks to everyone that has tried to help me. Jack, I remember posting that, but they do NOT over free counseling sessions. They will however talk to you over the phone. I dont even know if its truly counseling. BND, yep I am still SPINNING you are right and I dont know if it will ever end. I am sorry to disappoint everyone here. 7 months is just not enough time to adjust to ***a death of your mother*** ***Losing your Husband and lifetime partner of 20 years*** ***Trying to save your home ***OW moving in with xh*** ***H marrying OW*** ***Fighting with everything in me to support my 2 boys***
