OK, I just got back on, read a few posts and responded... I have to put the brakes on a minute.
I know that the last few things I wrote were about how I can't fathom being friends with X.
I guess it is something that has been perculating in the background for me, not something I am dwelling on consciously. But, there it is!
Another way to beat myself up a little? I still struggle with finding it easier to forgive X than myself...but maybe that is me displacing the feelings.
I have to embrace how my life is, and is going to be, better off without him.
Wow, even typing those words out is hard.
I thought for a while that I should make up the Ann Landers list, "Are you better off with him or without him?" Without the list, I revert to the Better off With him stance, but that is only while I imagine what COULD be, not with what is. Now, I think I should do something different... "You're a single mom - what do you want to fill your life and thoughts with, now?"
Yes, he still has too much real estate up in my brain. Still having dreams about him. It all gets better in very small increments. But its not keeping me from work, or spending time with my kids, at least. I have to find some more outlets for myself, though - very busy with work and keeping up the house. I am looking forward to the summer!
