Very well, thanks to you both. And both of your answers are pretty much along the lines of how I thought she was feeling about it --> but I did desire the confirmation, without asking a leading question.
Part of my reason for asking was to simply supply myself with some more intellectual ammunition to aim at my inner Nice Guy to shut him up (it's like the old comics, where I have a little angelic-clad Nice Boy on my right shoulder and a develish-looking Bad Boy on the left). The Bad Boy had fun last night!
Part of my reason for asking is my very male, orgasm-oriented view toward sexual encounters. I've come a long way in learning to relish in the moment, and enjoy the journey, but the female ability to thoroughly enjoy only a partial-journey some of the time is still a bit foreign to my male brain -- I would be frustrated. I've already found myself plotting how I could make it even hotter for her next time so that she -does- come with me, which is missing your points, above.
But I do get it, because from my perspective, it was VERY primal, VERY satisfying, and VERY -connecting- between the two of us. Any time she totally submits and opens herself completely to me like that, it melts my heart to experience the complete TRUST that I am being given. It makes me just as much hers, as she is mine, regardless of who is the "D" and who is the "s".
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
Awwww... You just had to get all lovey dovey on us. You couldn't just BBBRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, woot woot, "I'm da man!", high five, do some hot doggin' and leave it at that.
A guy who isn't a Nice Guy would do more of the above without the profession of love. Not that I don't think your lovey dovey ways are sweet and indicative of a much deeper intellect and emotion than the average meathead.
Well...you did mention that after he's 'taken' you, you want the guy to tuck you in nice and warm in his cave, drive off the nasty predators, and then spend the next day chasing down antelope in order to bring back dinner, right? That requires some 'lovey dovey' on his part....
Whilst the 'meathead' would utter his primal scream of victory, slap you on the a$$ in thanks, then scamper off with his mates to go looking for the next conquest.
I didn't mention that at the point of orgasm, I pounded my chest and bellowed loud enough to make the dog bark? Must of skipped that part....
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
"Any time she totally submits and opens herself completely to me like that, it melts my heart to experience the complete TRUST that I am being given. It makes me just as much hers, as she is mine, regardless of who is the "D" and who is the "s"."
This is the part that many people don't really "get" about dominance and submission play. It is totally about trust and love. It is not about violence or rape or pain. But that's obviously confusing to people who don't play that way, because from the outside it can look like rough, painful sex with a guy who is a jerk and a woman who is being victimized.
But the love and trust necessary to play this way are very very powerful and seductive in their own right....
I wish there was an update on your sitch...but maybe no news is no update? But if there is no update, that's bad, and I want an update about that, too.
Yep, yep, I'm still around and monitoring things here.
Not much to report for the past couple of weeks, really. The wife has been going through a bit of hell in her new job, thanks to an Office Manager there that simply doesn't like her (personality clash) and who would like to drive my wife into quitting if she could, despite the fact that my wife does an excellent job from a professional standpoint. The stress has had its effects at home and in our R, but we're rolling with it ATM.
The good news here is that I've gotten the chance to really hone my female-style listening skills, keep Mr. Fix-It away, and be the empathetic support that my wife needs throughout all of this. That daily, half-hour long debrief of her day when we get together each evening has become a necessary mainstay of our relationship, and helps tremondously to keep us connected, even when things are hitting the fan.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
It's good that you are being her "hero" and listening to her. Back in my big job days, I used to call my H "my rock" because he was so steadfast in listening and providing support.
She will never forget your loving support during her stressful times.
I just wanted to say that I am thorougly enjoying watching you and the advice that you are giving on this forum these days. Keep it up! You have graduated from being an SSM padawan-learner to a full-fledged SSM Jedi Knight.
Keep fighting the Sith and the Dark Side!
On a news note: the wife and I had a -terrible- sessiion with the therapist yeasterday. It was essentially a two-hour slow argument with the counselor as the mediator. The discussion wasn't about anything sexual or intimacy related: it was about some of our unresolved perpetual issues surrounding our fiancial situation and money management, summer vacation trips and spending, child-centered marriage issues vs. staying couple-centered when the kids are out of school, that sort of stuff. I guess the upside is that in front of the counselor, we both did very well at keeping the Four Horseman -out- of the discussion, and stuck to our feelings and the facts.
On the upside; we -both- really felt the need to reconnect intimately (emotionally and physically) last night after the morning's drama. It was a nice, tender, make-up session.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
