How do I find a BA mentor. I want to be a BA on a software development project. Will reading books on it be enough to get me started at a position like that until I can start certification classes?
How do I know? If this is your true passion as you say it is then why arent you being proactive and investigating it on your own? I dont know how to become a BA because I am not one.
I truly am concerned for you. I really mean that in a very heartfelt way. You gloss over everything and focus and obsess on things that are so secondary to avoid tacklking the most pressing and urgent issue.
Instead of worrying about finding a BA mentor why arent you finding a counselor? That should be your first order of business. Forget about your "dream career" for now. You cant even make it to work without having a meltdown about "how hard" things are. Do you see from an outsiders POV how frightening that is?
What is even more frightening is you dont seem to get it or care. If you are not obsessing about your W and how bad you feel you are obsessing about a career path that right now, you arent in place to pursue due to lack of education. Why dont you take all that obsessive energy and channel it into you getting well. You need to learn how to focus on the most necessary issue first and that is you. And once you do learn some tools to manage yourself THEN you can branch out to other areas of your life such as your career.
Honestly, do you want a BA job so bad because you think it will impress your W or is it your true career passion? Why are you so hell bent on having it RIGHT NOW? Why arent you just as hell bent on getting yourself well? Why dont you answer any posts made to you about goals that are reasonable and attainable?
You keep asking how to do something and we tell you and you just ask more questions and nothing gets done!
Fire up that blackberry you like so much, find a counseling program and get in to see a counselor ASAP. Once you get some tools for your own personal management then fire up that blackberry again and focus on the next task (career research).
Until you get yourself on a better path you will keep reaching for distractions and keep cycling around. C'mon man, throw us a bone and at least address ONE thing!
[quote=karen43] I want so much to be strong, confident, and happy...but I'd have to fake it for right now, to be honest! Thank you for responding...I need some more input and perspective.
Looking back, I think I was happier when I started GALing and maybe some of it was "faking". Not on purpose, but if you have to cry or laugh, I would usually choose to laugh. A year later, I realize some of my happiness was kind of faking it, but the funny thing is if you keep busy and faking it for a while, you'll find that you are really happy and it's not a fake. Find some activities that you enjoy, or challenge you, or help others.
Try to do stuff that you wouldn't have considered doing a few years ago. I'm a wimp, and I started doing martial arts, and shy and started doing musical community theatre. You're so busy trying to learn new stuff you don't focus on your problems or WAS as much, and that's a good thing.
It just sucks. I don't really feel like doing something that I'm not interested in. I don't like faking either! But, I've heard "fake it till you make it"...maybe it'll work! I hope things are better with you, and if they are...I'm glad!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It just sucks. I don't really feel like doing something that I'm not interested in. I don't like faking either! But, I've heard "fake it till you make it"...maybe it'll work! I hope things are better with you, and if they are...I'm glad!
It's not that I'm doing things I'm not interested in. Stuff that I thought was "not my style" like martial arts and theatre wound up being GALing that I really enjoy.
In the past, a lot of things I didn't do b/c I was focused on my kids instead of me, or was maybe too scared to try new things. Now that I'm challening myself I've found a lot of these are enjoyable. If I didn't enjoy them, then I would keep trying new, different activities until I found something I did enjoy. There's so much out there. Volunteer work for example, doesn't sound like fun, but you wind up helping people, making friends. The more challenging stuff that you do, the more self-confident you get also.
Dont you see though that the ONLY person in the world that can give you self confidence is YOU?!
Self confidence is a gift you can give yourself. It seems the only way you think you can be confident as a man is if your W wants you back. That means you are relying on another person to feel good. Thats dangerous as she might not come back then what?
You said you work in an ER, right? I sure as heck would not want to go to the ER and have somebody taking care of me that did not appear to be self confident!
Just like one builds financial wealth one can also build self confidence "dollar by dollar". If you cant manage a "dollar" right now to start building can you at least manage a "dime". What is one small thing you can do right now to fill yourself with confidence? Any ideas?
Lets say that feeling of confidence only lasts for 5 min. That 5 min. "high" wil give you momentum to find your next "high". Eventually it will become part of your life!
Dont you see though that the ONLY person in the world that can give you self confidence is YOU?!
Self confidence is a gift you can give yourself. It seems the only way you think you can be confident as a man is if your W wants you back. That means you are relying on another person to feel good. Thats dangerous as she might not come back then what?
You said you work in an ER, right? I sure as heck would not want to go to the ER and have somebody taking care of me that did not appear to be self confident!
Just like one builds financial wealth one can also build self confidence "dollar by dollar". If you cant manage a "dollar" right now to start building can you at least manage a "dime". What is one small thing you can do right now to fill yourself with confidence? Any ideas?
Lets say that feeling of confidence only lasts for 5 min. That 5 min. "high" wil give you momentum to find your next "high". Eventually it will become part of your life!
It's just hard to have self-confidence when your wife leaves you!
I am self-confident when it comes to my job. I've been an ER nurse for 23 years, and there is nothing that can come through those doors that'll shake me. This is different though...this brought me right down to the ground. I'm not accustomed to this. I do ER nursing on a routine basis.
I'm sure it'll have to be step-by-step. Confidence in relationships only comes from having relationships. Where does that leave me? That's the last thing I want right now. I'm married!
I feel, right now, that my self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love have suffered a big hit. I feel like I'm by myself in the world.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
That is awesome you have been an ER nurse for 23 years! You said there is nothing that can "shake you" at work. That sounds very fearless and powerful to me! But I bet you didnt feel that way your first day on the job. I bet you felt nervous, unsure and maybe kind of scared. But you knew that you couldnt present that to your patients or else they would not trust you to care for them. So you had to act like you were a seasoned nurse that could handle it all.
How can you parlay that same formula to your personal life? You say you are not accustomed to how you are feeling now. Were you accustomed to all the craziness that is brought to the ER when you first started? Probably not! But eventually to you it became "old hat".
And I must disagree - confidence does not come from other relationships. It comes from the relationship you cultivate and nurture with yourself.
Lets say you were alone in the world. Did you ever see the movie with Tom Hanks where he is stuck on an island for years all alone? Sure, he freaked out for a while but eventually he taught himself how to survive with what was available to him. He made a "friend" out of a volleyball! Certainly you have more resources available to you than a volleyball, right?
Karen