The adventure continues--part 3

[AFWAW]

Maybe look into the beach ceremony, like give her a brochure of someone that does this, like some kinda wedding planner, with another brochure of a kick ass honeymoon. That would show her that you are serious, of course she has to become serious before you actually go through with it.

Funny you should mention this. She said she wanted a beach ceremony and I think a cruise afterwards would be appropriate. But she still has to make up her mind and agree never to cheat again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There is no other way for you to interpret her hesitation, other than that she IS intentionally wanting to leave herself free to contact -- and even be with -- OM.

She's a self-confessed pyromaniac, and yet she refuses to get rid of the matches under her bed.

Puppy

[dburt]

No doubt, I do not know too much about OM situations, but do you know this guy, does he know you know? If I were married and having an affair with another mans wife, I would have a hard time looking that guy in the eye, Come to think of it, I would have a hard time looking in the mirror.

Does he know the ramifications of his actions, two broken families, loss of two careers?

Do not push these wedding plans in her face, but if the subject comes up again, why don't you say, I will email you some information about some ideas I have been looking into.

I think she is well aware of what is expected of her if she chooses you and your daughter.

Burt

[AFWAW]

There is no other way for you to interpret her hesitation, other than that she IS intentionally wanting to leave herself free to contact -- and even be with -- OM.

THIS IS WHAT IS DRIVING ME MAD AT THIS POINT!!!!!!

But I can't set a deadline. I even asked her last night if the OM stopped by would you answer the door? She said probably. I said why? She said I don't know, I would answer the door if you stopped by as well. I told her this is why I wanted her at home. She said she didn't think it was fair to me to see her getting over OM and she needed some time. Mother #$##%#$#$!!!! This is so freaking frustrating at this point. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

So, I ask again what's the best way to resovle this? Should I just wait or do I give a deadline or do I start popping over?

She asked what D and I were doing this weekend. I said I was considering taking her to the beach. I asked if she wanted to go with and she said no I think I'm going to go shopping. Not 2 minutes before that she had said she was broke basically. How am I supposed to interpret that? So I asked her, would you like me to go with you? Her response, we'll see how it goes tomorrow night, I just want to take things slow? What is this? A freaking test? I have been tested and tested and tested and I'm sick of this.

[AFWAW]

No doubt, I do not know too much about OM situations, but do you know this guy, does he know you know? If I were married and having an affair with another mans wife, I would have a hard time looking that guy in the eye, Come to think of it, I would have a hard time looking in the mirror.

No, I don't know him but could very easily find out and I am seriously and I mean seriously considering calling the 2 star general that runs that organization, taking my commander and the emails I have with me and talking to him. This would of course ruin any chance I have with the wife but hey I may not have a chance anyway.

Does he know the ramifications of his actions, two broken families, loss of two careers?

I'm sure he does but based on what she's told me, him admitting to her that he had a girlfriend for 6 years at one point while he was married and calling his wife from my wife's apartment and she still says she loves him and wants him even though he's leaving in Oct?

The scene itself would be very dramatic. I can imagine the hate that would follow. But I'm starting not to care. Really.

Do not push these wedding plans in her face, but if the subject comes up again, why don't you say, I will email you some information about some ideas I have been looking into.

I won't. I actually liked the idea up until the point she started comparing me to OM.

I think she is well aware of what is expected of her if she chooses you and your daughter

I hope you're right because there will be no next time and while I've restrained myself before, I will become unleashed at that point and I will do everything in my power to bring her down professionally and personally. My daughter already suspects and I don't know this but based on my daughter's comments she has little to no respect for her mom right now which will more than likely make things more difficult for reconciliation.

At this point, I don't know how you guys percieve things but it doesn't look like a recipee for success in my book.

[LG nm12]

AF,

If you crush her career, you might have to provide more financial support to her if there is a divorce. Is that right?

I just don't see the point of taking her down, really. It's better for you and your daughter if she's independent and stable.

If she ends up with OM, perhaps they deserve each other.

I said to another poster earlier this morning... No one is so great that they can leave their spouse dangling on a thread, begging for mercy. Not for long anyway.

I'm so sad about her recent behavior. I wish she would wake up.

I agree with Puppy. She's cake eating. You don't have to stand for it.

Seriously think about your real reason for "bringing her down". It isn't reflective of who you really are, is it? It's a little "nanny nanny poo poo... SO THERE!", you know?

Lucky

[AFWAW]

If you crush her career, you might have to provide more financial support to her if there is a divorce. Is that right?

I won't have to provide her with squat at this point. I hold all the cards. I will get full custody of my daughter. She will have to pay child support and has already been doing so.

If she ends up with OM, perhaps they deserve each other.

Perhaps, but I don't think it will happen as OM's wife is an O-6 colonel who makes a hell of a lot more money than my wife does and they have children also. He has already told my wife that he will NEVER leave his wife and yet she still persists.

Seriously think about your real reason for "bringing her down"

I have. Part of it is vindicitive and the other part of me thinks it's the right thing to do as it against the law in the military! She has the opportunity to get promoted and affect other peoples lives professionally and personally and based on her behavior don't think she should have the opportunity to do so. That goes double for OM who is a LtCol(O-5). Officers seem to get away with this quite a bit.

I guess we'll have to see what happens and how I feel at the time.

[dburt]

Why don't we just wait to see what is in the cards with the information coming to you on May 7th. Then we will know what going to happen going forward for you and your daughter. Will give her the time she has asked for to "settle" things. Then we can get in to ultimatums that I think you should lay down if she does not wake up. Also, we can start to talk about revenge if she breaks the rules that you will lay down for her then, I do not buy your intentions that it is the right thing to do.

Burt

[AFWAW]

Ok Burt,
I'll wait. I'll see how the interaction is tonight. You may be right about my intentions but part of me still thinks it's the right thing to do. I don't know. Wish me luck for tonight. This has been a pretty tough day for me emotionally and really appreciate everyone's support thus far. Thanks!

[dburt]

Sounds great, have a great night. Be the person that she would be stupid to leave, maybe a she will be hit in the head with a brick on the way home(don;t you do this!lol) and finally realize this!

Burt