The other day I asked you if you were raising your nephew and you said yes. The reason I asked was because you do have something to keep you busy. Throw your energy into that little boy.

This will help both of you. I'm sure he needs you more than ever and it will help you also. Once you are busy with him you won't have time to even think about your xh. Until you can get him out of your mind, you won't be able to move forward. Even though you have had no contact, you are still dwelling on him and it is not good. When you can go a day and then 2 days without even thinking about him then you are doing good. It can be done, I have done it.

If you asked me 4 years ago if I would have ever turned my back on my stbx I would have told you no. 3 years ago, same thing....no. 2 years ago I was beginning to see he was not coming home. MLC had turned him into a man I didn't want back home. It was about 9 months ago that I decided enough was enough. I called him up and we had a long talk and I decided to file. Now I sit and wait as patient as I can for the final papers to be signed. I am ready for this.

What I am trying to say is it takes each person different amounts of time to adjust to things. No one can really say how long you should or shouldn't wait. Since you are already divorced your situation is different. You didn't have that chance to adjust before the divorce was filed. You didn't get that transition phase as some of us get. It is hard but you have to accept the facts.

As Jack and everyone else have told you, work on you first and foremost. You need to get yourself strong for your nephew also. He has a long road ahead of him and he needs someone that is strong to help him through.

You have asked about dating. I suggest you find yourself before you start dating. If you go out there thinking you will find someone to take your mind off your xh you are wrong. Until you have detached from him, you will not enjoy yourself and you will also be dragging an innocent man into the picture. A rebound romance is not what you need right now. It will just confuse you even more. I did this and found it not that easy. When I was out just as friends with guys I would always measure them up to my stbx. Or sometimes I would think of what it would be like to have stbx there with me. I'm sure the other guys could tell I was not fully there. I would get sad and it put a damper on the evening. Find yourself again before you do this.

There is life after divorce. It took me some time to find myself again with the help of quite a few people on here and now I am happy again. I don't think of stbx that often anymore. Yes, I do still sometimes but after 20 years of being with him it is hard not to. I just don't dwell on it. I think about some nice times we have had and then I move on.

I guess what I am really trying to say is to let go of the pain and work on healing yourself.