I'm afraid I have to second whatdidido's sentiments. I get it--this is very difficult and you certainly don't want to turn your kids against your W, nor do you want her as an enemy, but you really should make her fess up to the destruction she's brought upon your family. Otherwise, you're sending the wrong message to your kids, namely that a divorce is OK and acceptable to the Lord if mom and dad are no longer "in love." Would you take her back if she was interested in reconciling? Do your kids know about the affair? If they do, and you won't take her back, then you should feel free to tell them that the marriage could not survive the affair. Don't water things down for her sake.
