Great! That's the plan...ignore it. It wasn't intentional so who cares?
OK I do have one other question. In regards to the fact that it is Sydney's 3rd birthday next week.
For her birthday last year, I had a party with my mom's side of the family, and then H had a party with my in-laws. I went to that party too, but he bought the decorations, etc etc. This was when his A was in full force and he wanted to show me he could do this stuff without my help...
Once he came back in July, we have done all of that stuff together. Birthday presents for Nathan, Christmas for both kids, etc etc. Even after he moved out. He even got his dad a birthday card 2 weeks ago(FIL came over for dinner) and signed it from both of us, without mentioning it to me. (I saw the card after his dad opened it)
This year I was holding to his "I want us to work it out, I am hoping/praying that the work on the house will be work we enjoy together" comments when I started the planning.
My mom is having her own party for Sydney b/c she wants to invite her 7 brothers/sisters and their kids and grandkids. I said I didn't want to host a party for 40 for a 3 yr old but she could if she wanted to. (Nathan quit having those parties last year b/c he said they were loud and crowded and he just wanted his cousins (my sister's kids) to come over)
Then there will be a party at my house for Dan's side of the family. There will be about 15 of us total, just us, Dan's 2 sisters and their families, and MIL/FIL. I did it at my house b/c my mom is having the giant party and this will be 'my' party. Sounds weird I know...but I am hosting, bought the decorations, got the food, etc etc
Anyway since we talked last week and I have realized he just isn't anywhere near coming home, I have accepted that I am moving forward on my own. I have stopped all the cheeseless tunnels, moved his clothes out of our room, continued separating finances, etc etc. And I haven't called him since he left for his trip on Sunday.
OK so long story, but I wanted to give context. The question is, should I just buy my own present for Sydney or ask if he wants to get a joint gift? I would prefer to just buy my own, but I don't want him to think I am being underhanded if I don't tell him that I am...we have done it all jointly thus far and I suppose even divorced couples could get gifts together if they want to. But I am feeling the urge to just go get her what I want to get her. Does it matter?
This is what I would do. I would go ahead and get Sydney what you want to get her for her birthday. Tell Dan what you are getting her and that if he wants, you will put from him as well, or he can get her his own gift if he wants. This way, you get Sydney the gift you wanted to get for her, he's notified so he doesn't go out and get her the same gift, or he can ask you to make the gift from both of you.
Ohh, why bother? What do you want to do? Do it and dont be hostile. If you want to buy her a gift buy it. Tell him and leave it at that. Why should you be worried about what he thinks? Unless you would do it to make a point which IMO you shouldnt, not wise to use such occasions when kids are involved. If you just feel like it and it comes natural to you and you are not trying to "teach him" something, do as YOU please Bbj. K
I wasn't trying to teach him anything. I am just navigating my way through where we are now...if we are not together and aren't going to be, I thought maybe things should be different.
I decided I would get her whatever I wanted...then realized I had already told everybody else (aunts/grandparents) what she wanted so there wasn't really much left! I still may get her a plastic picnic table for the backyard...
I went ahead and got some cute Disney Princess sandals that light up when you walk. I won a "Disney" themed gift basket at the school carnival a couple of weeks ago--and by 'won', I mean I had the highest bid and it wasn't cheap!
Anyway there was a Princess night light in that set, and Sydney's room at Dan's is going to be Princess. The bed and bedding are sitting in storage at this point...
So I decided I would combine the sandals, the night light, and a DVD from the prize basket and call it good. The girl gets whatever she needs when she needs it (for example she already has a robe, she has a sleeping bag, brother has a tent she can share,etc etc) PLUS we are going to Disneyworld in June and she will get spoiled again there. My sis actually said she didn't get her kids bday presents until they were old enough to notice...
Dan called tonight to talk to the kids. He sounded totally beat down, must be a rough trip. I told him my plans to just give her the sandals/night light/DVD. Then I said that he was free to get her whatever he wanted if he had some ideas in mind, or he could give her the gifts with me. He said he would just go in with me, so that settles that.
I am worn out. It is 10:30 here. I just finished putting together a plastic sand/water table Sydney got last year for her birthday but which I never built before fall. That was after I took Nathan to allergy shots, then karate, then to the store to pick up more stuff for D's party. Oh, and then mowed the front yard. Now I get to go make 2 dozen cupcakes for the party. And wrap presents, fold 2 loads laundry, clean the house for company...yikes. I may not go to bed...
OK so I gave in and went to bed at 1 a.m. I decided instead of spending the entire night decluttering (not major clutter just papers from school, insurance statements, etc that I carry in the house and set on whatever smooth surface is closest), I would just put all of the papers/misc from around the house into one small box (see? It wasn't THAT much stuff! just the little stuff I don't know what to do with...) and I put the box on one of the cleaned-off shelves in my closet. I will sort it all out on Sat night or Sun night after kids are in bed and I am not on "party" mode.
Got 90% of things ready for Sydney's party. Just need to get the ingredients for homemade ice cream. Have a 6-Qt maker so we will have plenty!
Nathan did something sweet/sad this morning. He got out his large (18-24 inch) dinosaurs to play with the other night. He got out four and named them Mommy, Daddy, Nathan, and Sydney. And then he got a small one and named it Daphne, the dog he had in K.C. that we had to give away b/c it was too aggressive...he loves that dog even still.
Anyway he played just regular stuff with them the past couple evenings. This morning he found a little key chain thing, don't know what they are called exactly, it is a circle about 6" around made of connected ball-bearing thingies. He wrapped it around one dinosaurs hand/claw and then wrapped the other end around another dinosaurs hand/claw.
He said "Look! Mommy and Daddy (dinosaurs) are hooked together. They have to stay together now for all the days...." He said a couple other things but all were basically the same comment, that Mommy and Daddy were stuck together and would stay that way forever. Then he made their noses touch and told me they were giving each other a kiss. I wish he had done that with the counselor instead of me! I just said, "Yes, I see they are stuck together! That is very cute..." I didn't know what else to say.
That was after I took Nathan to allergy shots, then karate, then to the store to pick up more stuff for D's party. Oh, and then mowed the front yard. Now I get to go make 2 dozen cupcakes for the party. And wrap presents, fold 2 loads laundry, clean the house for company...yikes. I may not go to bed... 
