I know well the fear of "if I back off from bringing up these issues, he/she will just drift back to the old status quo." We just went through a round of that last month, actually, when we hit a nice plateau and I became afraid that Mrs. B was starting to sit down and declare our M-improvement work done....not!
The best thing that you can do for yourself is to take breaks from obsessing, or 'pinging' on the situation yourself. Be sure to keep yourself busy, and do nice things for yourself -- treat yourself in some fashion DAILY. Take a long, relaxing bath / walk / drive. Enjoy the spring air out in the yard / playground with the kids / park. Go shopping and get a new book / plant / item of clothing. Go out with a girlfriend to lunch / dinner / a movie / a play / bowling / whatever interests you. Go treat yourself to a new haircut / manicure / pedacure / facial. Find some local club / group / church / society that you have an interest in and can actively participate with.
Start filling your life with GOOD THINGS. Take positive steps each day to do so. Everytime you find yourself wanting to sit and mope and ping on these issues -- get up and do something nice for yourself instead.
-- B.
P.S. Why are you still sitting there reading this?! Go be nice to yourself!!
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
