OK..Lucky and who ever else is brave enough to offer their advice.. I want to feel alive.. again.. I want to feel wanted .. not like a mom or a wife.. as a woman..I want my kids to be happy ...I want H to want live his life rather than let it roll by..I want him to be happy..I want to feel like I am doing the right thing for me.. with out hurting other people...
that is as far as i could get.. So far..going back to school and getting physically fit are the two main steps I have taken.. I really want to avoid antidepressants again.. but somedays like today I wonder if Im destined to be on some kind.. I cry every day..sometimes several times a day.. I dont seem to be able to shake this feeling of despair.. i do for a short time.. but it creeps up on me.. I told IC that i wasnt going on them as long as I was functional..but crying in front of your kids and crying yourself to sleep is starting to look non- functional..
Bagheera- I know you are right.. about him needing space..but it seems we are back in the old pattern of him returning to himself and me w/ the kids.. that we dealt w/ for 10 years..but i will back off him.. im sure he will talk in counseling next week..as far as the sex book.. i dont even know if I want to give it to him now.. we are not even near that topic.... seems pointless..
