My H is a monumental sulker. Has been from before we got married some 17 years ago.He`s go off in a mood for no apparent reason and while in those moods could get very angry to the point that I have been afraid that he would hit me.
I realised last summer that blaming me and sulking was part of his armoury against me. And I in turn would get very angry at him or pleading and whining which led to a further cycle of blame/anger from him.
But in the past two years things have deteriorated rapidly. He became increasingly withdrawn concerned about his looks, pointing out ways I could improve/was lacking. He also bought a whole new wardrobe of expensive clothes and had a fling(kissing and sending sexually eplicit texts) to a girl in his office. He`s still working with her. He told me last summer he dodn`t know whether he loved me enough or not.
All hallmarks, I`ve just realised of MLC.
Last October I challenged him on a proposed weekend away he was taking(without me or our three kids) He exploded out of his chair and challenged me- and within earshot of our boys- to a boxing match!
I took him to court for a safety order but later withdrew it as I was convinced by his attempts at IC that he was trying to change.
We`ve been living separately in the same house since last OCt. He refuses to leave and I don`t want to take the kids from the family home. Plus, having read MWD I`m still hoping we can salvage the marriage. Somehow.I don`t do his laundry or dinners anymore. We both work full time outside the home anyway and its a real 180 for me not to do everything around here.
In lots of ways I`ve used this time to make me happy. I feel this time has been sent for my learning and, in lots of ways detached myself from H and his issues. The kids are happy. There is little tension in the house.I have lots of friends and hobbies. I also remember happier times for us as a family and see that we could use this chance to change this marriage for the better.I knw my H is in a lot of pain. Had a wifebeating alcoholic as a father and I suspect has a lot of supressed anger because of this.
Like most problems I suppose ours is complex. But I`ve gotten a huge boost in realising that H`s troubles are mainly MLC related(DO you think I`m right about that) and could be solved given lots of time and the right actions by me.
Since realising the MLC issue 2 weeks ago, I`ve been very calm around H. No confrontation, no begging no anger just me being happy and busy.
But he`s getting sulkier. Barely speaks now. I feel like I`m trying to turn the Titanic around single handedly before it hits the iceberg.
Thoughts and tips much appreciated
Fallgirl Me:46 H:46 MLC?
Kids:13,11,8
A:April 2007. I don`t think he`s there anymore. Not sure though.
