Looks like 10 locked up. I finally made it work. Traffic was terrible.
Looking forward to seeing my kids tonite.
Thia morning is hard. I'm tired of feeling this way everyday.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I hear 'ya man! And I sympathize with 'ya too! I'm tired of feeling this way as often as I do. I'd like to not think about her as often as I do, and not wonder where she's at or what she's doing as often as I do...but I don't know how to 'not' do it!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Looks like 10 locked up. I finally made it work. Traffic was terrible.
Looking forward to seeing my kids tonite.
Thia morning is hard. I'm tired of feeling this way everyday.
Then get help. Seriously.
Did you see the last post to you made by 25?
You have three lines in your post and two of them are nothing but negative.
Traffic is always terrible in most large cities. And while it may not seem like a big deal to complain about traffic its just another example of you always saying or feeling something negative. Be grateful you have a vehicle to be in traffic - some people cant afford cars. Be grateful you have a reason (job) to have to sit in traffic. Be grateful you have two eyes that you can see out of so you can drive. Be grateful you have arms and legs that work properly so you have the ability to sit in traffic. Find some way to turn all your negatives to a positive.
This morning is hard... I am tired of feeling this way... blah blah blah. GET HELP. MAKE AN ACTION PLAN. CREAT IMMEDIATE, SHORT TERM AND LONG TERM GOALS. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE FOR FIVE MINUTES. CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK. TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF AND SEE WHAT A DRAG YOU APPEAR TO BE.
You want to see hard? Go volunteer at a cancer ward for kids. Do you think they are saying "its hard" each day? NO! They stay positive and shrink their disease down so they can enjoy each moment of life. Go volunteer at a nursing home where some people havent had a visitor in years. That is the true meaning of being sad and alone.
If you were meeting your W for the first time today in this mindset do you think she would find the constant complaining and 'woe is me' outlook attractive or intriguing?
I think 25 made a very, very crucial point. How much longer do you think people will listen to you or try and help you or try and point you in the right direction?
What will you do in the next 8 hours to make things "less hard"? If you have time to post here from work, you have time to make a contact with a counselor. Certainly you have a primary doctor you see from time to time. Call him/her and get a name for a counselor. Today. If you dont have a primary doctor call Catholic Charities and find a counselor. Call somebody and find a counselor. Its your only option at this point.
Nobody is going to keep giving you hugs or support and keep telilng you to "keep your chin up" or any of that. Those are things we all need to hear early on when we are left behind. But then something else needs to happen.
As of right now you should be fully prepared for the idea that once your move into your place and get a few paychecks your W will be finalizing the divorce. You should be mentally preparing yourself for that as well as making a short and long term plan for yourself as an individual, co-parent and single man. It is the only way you will survive then grow.
It is very hard to understand the way you approach things. You said y'day that you could not get a BA job because you dont have the appropriate or necessary certifications. Yet, you applied for a BA job last night. It seems you reach for things that for one reason or another simply are not possible at this moment in time. That way, you can tell yourself you tried and you can remain stuck and somehow justify it.
Why not make a plan about your career? Focus on your job NOW for 12 months. On the side study and save money for the classes/certifications you need. You are at a job for 2 days and already you are not satisfied, it isnt what you want, its not exciting. It is very annoying to be around people that are never satisified. Just because something isnt ideal it doesnt mean it cant be an amazing experience.
In your last post it was almost like you were mocking all the advice by saying "plans were made by the person I cant mention for 24 hours". Just because you dont say her name you are still obsessing and making chatter and reference to your W.
Not saying her name isnt what we mean. You need to shrink her down so she is nothing to you at this time. The only way you can work on you is to make her nothing.
You cannot live on the hope your W might want to get back together. Right now that is not an option. You cant just live for your kids. You cant just live for things you "hope" will happen.
How lucky are you? How many people would kill for the chance to be able to totally reinvent themselves at the age of 34? (I am also 34 btw). You have a new place to live, a new job and a chance to really become the MAN (not the husband or father or son) but MAN you want to be. What an opportunity!
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You cannot live on the hope your W might want to get back together. Right now that is not an option. You cant just live for your kids. You cant just live for things you "hope" will happen.
We know that's right, but it's easier said than done. It's hard for some of us to imagine life without our wives right now.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Of course it is not easy! Who ever said it was easy?
I have been in my situation for going on 14 months. My H left me after a decade of marriage, he left me when I was very, very ill and he was having an affair. Do you think I dont cry often? I do! Do you think I dont miss him? I do! Do you think its not hard for me? It is!
It is hard not to hope and wish and its even harder to think of our lives w/o our spouses. But hoping and wishing wont help or change a thing. If you want a shot for YOU and for your spouse, you have to get past hoping and wishing and imagining and do something else.
You need to work on making your life as busy & happy as possible, so you will be happy with or without your life. Join in some of the church activities so you can make friends. Do some volunteer work. Start a new exercise program. Look at this as an opportunity. Strong, confident, and happy is attractive, complaining: not so much... Karen
Of course it is not easy! Who ever said it was easy?
I have been in my situation for going on 14 months. My H left me after a decade of marriage, he left me when I was very, very ill and he was having an affair. Do you think I dont cry often? I do! Do you think I dont miss him? I do! Do you think its not hard for me? It is!
It is hard not to hope and wish and its even harder to think of our lives w/o our spouses. But hoping and wishing wont help or change a thing. If you want a shot for YOU and for your spouse, you have to get past hoping and wishing and imagining and do something else.
Wow! It really helps to talk with someone like you who has been at this for a long time! My wife left after nearly 2 decades together. I've cried a bunch...but it's been a while since I have. I miss her like crazy though. It's hard foe me too! You have my respect for hanging there as long as you have! I do hope and wish...a lot! I'm just not ready, I guess, to think of life without her. I want to do whatever I can to have another shot with her! I'm trying to get past hoping and wishing. I just don't know what to do other than what I am right now...and being more patient.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
You need to work on making your life as busy & happy as possible, so you will be happy with or without your life. Join in some of the church activities so you can make friends. Do some volunteer work. Start a new exercise program. Look at this as an opportunity. Strong, confident, and happy is attractive, complaining: not so much... Karen
I'm trying to stay as busy as I can...happy though? It's just not there right now. I'm trying to look at is as an opportunity, but that's hard to do. Seems more natural to look at it as a necessity...brought about as a result of this separation. I want so much to be strong, confident, and happy...but I'd have to fake it for right now, to be honest! Thank you for responding...I need some more input and perspective.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
How do I find a BA mentor. I want to be a BA on a software development project. Will reading books on it be enough to get me started at a position like that until I can start certification classes?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
