It's all ablazin'....

[Startingover2]

Glad you survived the night. You are a strong woman. I crumble at the thought of exh taking baby even for a few hours.

He is still so immature with his comments. Don't you just want to tell him what a POS he is? I would tell my exh if it wasn't for baby.

[blindsided1]

You know....it hurts when he says things like that. But, I know and he knows that he says them to do just that...hurt me. So, I am trying really hard to be strong and not let him know they hurt me. Maybe that way, he'll stop if he's not getting the reaction he wants. But, I did show him that it hurt because I tried to make him feel bad too, by reminding him of all the crappy stuff he's done to me. And, how I am still trying to care about him as K's father. I told him that I couldn't understand why he continued to be so cruel to me even after everything he has put me through and I have continued to be kind and respectful to him. It just falls on deaf ears. I told him that I forgive him for the things he has done. But, that I can't forgive the way he keeps continuing to hurt me and that is why he is minimally in my life as much as possible. His Mom thinks I should kill him with kindness, but that doesn't work on him. The only way to keep him from hurting me is to cut him out of my life. My friend told me that everytime I text him ...even if it's about daycare or K...he probably thinks it's for him...that I am reaching out to him. So, I don't unless I absolutely have to. I pray to God that he grows up and learns how to be a nicer person to me. I don't want my daughter growing up watching her father treat her mother the way he does. I don't want that to be the type of man she seeks out. I would be devastated to see her end up with someone abusive.

I'm hanging in there. I find myself detaching more and more each day.

[Startingover2]

Thanks for the texts yesterday! Most of my friends wonder why he still gets to me. They think its like a lightswitch. You just don't stop hurting overnight.

Keep him at a far distance. Both of us. Toxic, toxic, toxic!

[blindsided1]

I agree. Now I am trying to figure out how to deal with him. He is sooooo not a coparent. He just wants us to have separate lives. I'm sorry for K because of that. But, I did what I could. I tried to be a coparent with him. He just isn't grown up enough to do that or to put anyone first, before him. Not even his daughter. It just makes me upset that I can't call to say goodnight to her or check on her because he yells at me for it. He's a piece of crap. But, that's what he CHOOSES to be.

[Startingover2]

Wouldn't it just be easier for everyone if these guys just stayed married? I swear, the drama, hurt, pain and confusion they cause is unbelievable.

Don't let him bully you. You have every right to call and check on K within reason. He is so full of crap. He only does it because he thinks you won't do anything about it. Do something. Drag his butt back to court.

[blindsided1]

I could use some advice on how to deal with H these days. He is totally uninterested in having any kind of R with me, even as a coparent. I have to see him on Saturday's when he drops off our daughter. Should I be nice or act like he doesn't exist. Today for some reason it is hurting that he basically acts like I don't exist. I did NOTHING to him. And, yet he is the one acting like I caused all of this. I hate him for treating me like this. I wish he would just disappear sometimes, so I don't have to ever see him again. He has his new life and I'm just trying to make the most of mine. But, there are days when it still hurts very much. I want to be able to be nice to each other and have a decent R for K's sake. But, he doesn't want that. It makes me mad. I really hate him for this. I'm tired of hurting because of him. I don't deserve to be NOTHING. I know, I know, pity party. It just hurts today.

[blindsided1]

Oh, and I am draggin him back to court. I'm adding that she can't sleep in the room with OW's older boys, he has to have his car seat in properly, I get to call her and say goodnight, I get first right of refusal and no one under 18 is allowed to babysit her. I didn't realize those were extras. I thought that it automatically put that in the judgement.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey B. I'm so sorry. I agree with So2 though about trying to change the sleeping arrangements.

exh is just being who he is so that he feels better. he is being mean to you because his life sucks. (and I really believe that).

everytime he acts like that, why don't you do something crazy and start laughing. that will probably make him more mad, but maybe he'll quit. or maybe have some kind of sign with a picture of some poop and hold it up in front of him when he acts yucky. although that will only work if your right by him. Or maybe when he starts talking bad on the phone, use a blow horn in the phone and say, there's a bad connection.

IDK, just do anything! this is going to go on and on and on, unless for some reason his life becomes great, and you know what? I believe it never will, unless he finds God or has a life threatening wreck or illness. of course miracles can happen, but you have done way beyond what most would do, and I really commend you for that. You should hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.

Although K will see how daddy treats mommy, she can ALSO see how mommy reacts. If you react in self pity, and in defensiveness, or depression, then K will learn something that is not healthy, but if she sees you standing up for yourself (not meaning fighting with him, but instead distance yourself and walk away from him, but also set boundaries and consequences and stick with them) and if you show her by surrounding her with men who DO treat you with respect, like your father, then she will learn well. His messups don't have to be hers. There are plenty of people who didn't become alcholics even though their dad or mom was, or smokers, or abusers, or whatever. (no offense to you smokers...haha, but it's bad for you so quit!! lol)

You will be a great guide for your daughter and pray over her daily!

[His Wife]

He cant stand for you to be nice to him because the guilt is eating him alive. He is nasty and mean so that you will be nasty and mean and then he can justify himself.

Have no expectations. forgot about having any kind of relationship with him at this point. Just drop kendall off be as pleasant as you can muster give her lots of kisses, tell her mommy loves her tell him be safe and be on your way. keep it pleasant and simple. let his caustic personality roll right off of you. no additional conversation just a simple drop off. when you pick her up ask if there is anything you need to know about and then say thanks! and be on your way.

[blindsided1]

I hear you. I hear you. It has really sucked the last few weeks. He's getting meaner and meaner. Last night he brought her home and he was decent. He said that she said "mama". We briefly talked about her...then, I noticed the car seat was still facing forward. I asked him why he won't turn it rear facing and she just kept saying "she's fine, she's fine, she's safe....stop being such a f'ing c*nt". I walked away and went into the house. I have begged and pleaded with him to just try to be civil. He refuses. He's a mean little man with a screwed up life that HE created. He says that I have hurt him by keeping K from him the last 10 months. I told him that I didn't ever keep her from him. He could see her whenever he wanted and he chose not to, nor did he check on her between visits or when she was ill. I reminded him that I tried to get him to spend more time with her and be more involved with her life. But, he didn't do so. So, basically, I said "maybe you need to stop projecting your anger on me and focus your anger where it belongs"...he's the only one who keeps himself from K.

I wish he would grow up. I wish he could be nice and do right for K's sake. But, it is a never ending battle with him. It's only going to get worse. I have to call Child Support Services for the CS and I am writtin up the custody and debt judgements. He's gonna be one unhappy camper and it will be all "my" fault that he created this mess.