"I don't want to get into trouble"???????? Is she 4 years old? What is the counselor going to do... spank her? put her in detention? This is madness.
Hiding behind her inner "little girl" has allowed her to avoid accountability and has allowed her to stray numerous times. Now, hiding behind her inner little girl is allowing her to "get away with it" and continue to avoid looking within. She is 39 years old and a mother of a teen. Her mindset is absolutely unacceptable. You are the only person who can hold her to her commitment to marriage and motherhood. Nobody else gives a damn because they don't have to suffer the consequences.
She needs to grow up and learn to ASK for what she wants in life. A little girl sits and lives with whatever is handed to her. A little girl "acts out" if she isn't getting what she needs. A woman does work and communicates and remains true to herself and to her word.
So... Since she insists on acting like a little girl.... Maybe you should just pick her up right before your next appointment and tell her that she is coming with you. Drag her kicking and screaming like a toddler.
Are you still able to enjoy her company and LAUGH? What does she bring to your life?
A card... I'm not sure that a card is deep enough for this situation. Too easy to just buy a card, you know? A love letter would be wayyyy better, even if it's short. What if you made her a CD of songs that you pick for her that combines old ones that you both like with some new ones that will show her that you can bring new and fresh things to her life?
