Oh, I am becoming so conflicted at this point. I had a long and and I mean long conversation with my wife on the phone. She told me about the OM and what he does for her. He took care of her, listened to her, validated, etc. He sounded like a pretty good guy EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HE'S MARRIED AND SO IS SHE!!! I said wow, that sounds great, so is he gonna leave his wife for you? She said no, I know it doesn't make any sense. I want to have both. I said you can't have both. You're going to have to choose and you're going to have to do it soon. I said, I don't think I can put up with much more of this. I asked if she had contact with him today. She said she saw him in the gym. I said did you speak with him? She said yes. I said why. She said I can't not speak to him. I said, yeah you can--I said that's part of the deal, you're breaking it---don't talk to him! She said ok. I said if I find out you're seeing him then it will be over. She said this is not fair to you or our daughter. She said I think there's something wrong with me. I said then get some help. It's free for the military. I said even if it doesn't work out for us you need to get some help. I said when are you going to decide. She said you need to give me a deadline. I said I'm not ready to do that. She said I know you're getting tired of this. I don't deserve you. We finally got past this and she said if we get back together I would like a ceremony on the beach. Ok, sounds good to me, I would love to have a ceremony on the beach when you are ready to move back home and work on our marriage. She then described it, etc. Great! Then she talked about when we move(I noticed how she went from if to when in a lot of the conversation) and where we could move to.
This was one of the most bizzare conversations I've ever ever had in my life. The old me would have filed for divorce by now. I'm pretty sure 97% of the population would have filed by now(this is a guess). What the hell is wrong with her? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to deal with this? Do I just sit and wait it out? I am truly, truly disgusted.
Last edited by AFWAW; 04/23/0906:16 AM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Did you tell her that she can have all of those things WITH YOU if she gives you a chance and if she is committed to working with you and helping you to get there? You are a great guy, too, you know. And, I'm sure you're more than capable of making her feel chosen and loved and special and validated.
And, how great can this guy really be? He's cheating on his wife and taking another man's wife. Just another wayward soul.
She's in dreamland about this wedding ceremony. It's like she needs some fairytale ending in order to make the choice to come back. It isn't authentic until you two do hard work and reach a higher connection and understanding. You have all kinds of trust to rebuild before participating in her fantasy wedding.
She needs therapy NOW. You both need MC NOW. She needs to quit the gym NOW and find a new one. And change her phone numbers and email address.
I am truly, truly disgusted too. Do you want a real woman or a little girl? She needs to "woman up" and fast.
Did you tell her that she can have all of those things WITH YOU if she gives you a chance and if she is committed to working with you and helping you to get there?
I did tell her this. She said with the other guy she doesn't have to tell him what she needs. The thing is, he's leaving in Oct and then what? She told me she shouldn't have to work at it, it should just happen. I said it can't work like that.
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And, how great can this guy really be? He's cheating on his wife and taking another man's wife. Just another wayward soul.
I know, I pointed this out again and again. She knows this but still persists. She even went so far as to tell me that she asked her friends at work who they thought was more compatible for her. She told me that they said that OM was. I said are your friends insane? I told her these are not good friends.
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She needs therapy NOW. You both need MC NOW.
She does need help. I have encouraged, begged and pleaded that she do get help. I gave her the phone number and even offered to pay for it.
I'm honestly about at the end. I don't know how much more I can put up with this.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Your wife is trying to make YOU decide. This is not your decision to make; it's hers. Don't give her a deadline! The problem with deadlines is that a wayward will cake-eat right up until the 23rd hour, and then promise you the moon and the stars to stave off the executioner when dawn comes.
Don't do it.
Your position needs to be "This is your mess; you need to clean it up. I won't wait forever, and every day that you keep contacting him I lose a little more love for you. Please decide."
Which is pretty much what you did. You may feel the conversation was bizarre, but you handled it BEAUTIFULLY, I mean real "A+" stuff.
What you CAN tell her is that you have a plan. But you can't make the decision for her.
This is so great. I was so frustrated reading AF's post this morning, I almost signed off with, "PUPPY... HELP!!!"
AF: You could call the counselor and start going, and then invite her to join in. She might be so confused, that a simple phone call and scheduling an appointment might feel daunting. She might need an easier introduction into it, especially if she hasn't gone through counseling before.
Her coworkers and friends are being "supportive" and telling her what she wants to hear. Most people are not wise to all of this stuff (you know, all this being faithful and stuff ; )). No one but your W and you and your daughter have to live with her choice of "who is better for her". The fact that she's asking all around tells me that she really needs time for introspection and self awareness. Why would anyone else's opinion have weight? Because she is, sadly, not a grown up... yet.
Oh, and the fact that she wants you to just know and for it to be easy is a sure sign that she doesn't understand that marriage takes work, no matter who you are. Her own immaturity is her worst enemy in this situation.
Puppy, I don't want to but I can't live like this much longer. Ok, I won't give her a deadline. We'll see how our visit goes tonight. I need to get my wits about me as I really feel like I'm losing it.
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Your position needs to be "This is your mess; you need to clean it up. I won't wait forever, and every day that you keep contacting him I lose a little more love for you. Please decide."
This is pretty good. My counselor suggested since I didn't show affection before and apparently that's what she craves to start slow with a card maybe tonight? I don't know.
Thanks for you support. I really feel like I'm getting an ulcer though.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
You could call the counselor and start going, and then invite her to join in. She might be so confused, that a simple phone call and scheduling an appointment might feel daunting. She might need an easier introduction into it, especially if she hasn't gone through counseling before.
I already am going and have been for a while now. I offered yesterday for her to join me and she refused.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
