Well, the truth about our ML is that my H is not able to perform sex b/c of his health and the medication he is on will not allow him to take anything to help in the sex department. (He was having that problem before the EA happened) Also, we both are taking anit-depressent meds which decreases the sex drive. We both have sleeping problems and most of the time we end up sleeping in recliners. (Told ya we sound like an old couple...lol). However, we do show affection. I was the one to make the first move in doing that and it was hard. I did not see that as pursuing but more of a sign to him that I was trying to move forward in the M. At times, I really miss the intimacy and think that I am ready for it, but at other times......I just don't know. I hate to say that b/c I truly do believe that a lot of mine has to do with my health and the meds. I never had a high sex drive and that caused a lot of problems in our M when we were younger. Just as I was coming around to, I suppose my sexual peak, that is when he backed off without saying a word and I didn't know what was going on. I never could get a reasonable answer from him. I should have just pursued him, but I was never very good at that and waited for him to make the first move. Then other things happened that would take too long to tell, but it interferred with our intimacy.
I can't begin to know how much pain you must be in. I try to think what it must be like for you, but I know that I can't. I can say this much about your wife, though. As long as she is defensive about the OM and she does not show any remorse about the EA or show any signs of change of attitude towards you......then she is not near over him, IMHO. If she is in MLC, that answers why she does not remember a lot of things you pointed out to her. But, as long as she is working with OM, it will feed her MLC and the EA is likely to turn into a PA if the OM is equally interested in your W.
You have to make the decision to use some of Puppy's rules where living with a WW is concerned, wait it out and hope that you can outshine the OM and she will finally see that, or drop the rope and move on with your life. I am not suggesting which one to do b/c only you know what you are capable of withstanding. Even if she drops the OM and really is over him, there will be times (I think)that she will miss whatever connection they had......unless you and she can have the type of R that fulfills her emotionally. That is the problem I find myself in at rare moments. When I feel like I need that "closeness" and I look over at my H and he is passed out on the couch........well, you get the picture.
Well, I find it is time to leave for work again, so maybe we can talk more later.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
