A new thread, a new outlook.....

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Kev,
I am so glad you came onto vent. It's great that you get it off your chest.

Now for your lows. My MIL officially wants to keep us together BUT she wants the best for her son and her son has convinced her that it wouldn't work. So everytime I talked with her, I got real low. You know what, I don't talk with her much anymore. It's for my own sanity. I still love her but I can't be surrounded by the negativity. It takes a lot of energy to be positive as we are struggling with our emotions, the needs of our kids and our WAS. So to have positive energy and thoughts sucked out of you, it's too much to bear right now. So here is what I suggest, just tell your Mom that you know she loves you very very very much, that she wants the best for you and you want the best for her. That you understand she can't stand to see you hurt because she is a loving mother and that you respectfully request that you don't talk about your M anymore because it just takes too much out of you. Tell her you need time to reflect by yourself and that it has worked and that you are feeling better.

Then don't talk about the M again. If she tries just politely sidestep and change subjects until you are at a point where you are comfortable talking to her about this. I think you Mom is possibly thinking she is helping but in actuality she is not so...her heart is in the right place but you need to draw boundaries.

As for your wife, you still need time to detach some more. I think once she is out of sight more you can detach more. But since you come across this stuff accidentally it still hurts to find out that MAYBE she is trying to build walls between you. Again, this takes time for walls to come down. Walls can be put down, they can be taken down. Don't sweat the small stuff. Keep your goal and big picture in mind. Once you have that firmly in mind, you will find that the small stuff is insignificant and that you will be able to sail through to your destination - hopefully reconciliation.

Don't worry about feeling low. Stand back Kev and look at yourself through my eyes. In the beginning, you had long bouts of depression over this breakup but the frequency of your lows are getting smaller and the duration is getting shorter. YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS!!! Big picture. You are doing awesome!