Probable Affair

[Can it work]

Mark

Thank you for taking the time to catch up with my situation. I will admit I had a down point last night but I think all of us do every now and again. Nobody can be 100% happy all the time. It's just not natural. You will have read my reasons for being in the slump and I admit that they are very trivial. I'm in a better mindset today though and just ready to get on with it as best I can.

I've seen you asking time and again for opinions on whether your situation is done or not. Asking people whether they think there is any hope for you at all. The fact is that nobody knows for sure. In my own opinion though I would say that you are only done when YOU'RE ready to be done.

So you're getting a divorce? Divorced couples have reconciled before. That's a fact. Do you think any of the WAS in those situations were willing to work on the marriage when they got the divorce? I accept the fact that your wife right now is not in a place where she wants to save the marriage. Nobody's questioning that. What you need to do now though is accept it. For now, yes it's over. Get used to that idea and move past it. Whether or not it's permanent can indeed only take one to tango. Detach, move on, call it what you will but try to find a comfort zone in your life with your children where you can be happy and not worry about the things your wife is doing.

Of course there are still going to be things which affect your mood. I had a couple myself last night. You can't let them rule you though. You're allowing your wife to be the one responsible for your mood and wellbeing. You need to take possesion of that for yourself. Only you can make yourself happy now because nothing your wife is doing is going to. That's why it's essential that you let go. Not all the way, just enough so her actions don't affect you so much. That's what I've tried to do with my wife. Nobody knows whether my situation is done or not but I've come to accept that it very well may not work out and am continuing my life 'as if'. I'm being as good a dad to my Wee Man as I possibly can be and trying to do as much as I can to enjoy my life. In the process, I really am making some positive improvements for myself. Improvements that will stay with me whether I get back with my wife or not. I don't know if my wife is noticing these changes. That's her problem. I can only do what I can. If she does see them though and suddenly sees me as someone interesting, fun, and exciting that she wants to be with - so much the better. If she doesn't, let's face it, I'm still going to be interesting, fun and exciting. Her loss.

I think you need to stop thinking of your marriage in black and white Mark. You are in a large grey area between the two right now and regardless of how your wife is acting, it need not necessarily be forever. Now sucks but now only lasts for but a moment.

Kev