I said a few weeks ago it was about sympathy, and it still is. If there was any regret in him, he'd be BEGGING for a chance to make things right. He knows how you feel.
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He had nothing in writing which is what he said he would do 2 weeks ago.
There you go. My W kept saying she was "working" on dissolution papers. I waited three months as she piddled with an affair, then said, "Screw this." I went and got my OWN dissolution papers in less than 2 weeks.
If he refuses the one option that just might allow him to be a man, regain some semblance of dignity, and begin to right the wrongs in his life, then let him.
I know it's easy for me to say, not having your feelings and emotions, but seriously...
I understand Ali's perspective, but I'm sorry - you don't need to go out of your way for anything. You are not pushing him away, the man is having an affair! He has run bankrupt, left you destitute, screwed up his life, and so on.
I'd consider suggesting you change how you react to him if he showed any contrition or attempted to right any wrongs, but he can't even make an attempt?
"I can't change my feelings" - what a line of bullcrap. Suck it up, get your friggin' life together, and be a man!
(Sorry to dump on your significant other, but the whiners REALLY get my dander up)
My W borrowed $500 for me, then when it was time to pay it back, she didn't have the money, but buys pizza for OM and his kids, drives to his home that's 1.5 hours away (in a gas-guzzler) and so on - well, I'm sorry if you have to suck it up and eat macaroni-and-cheese for a couple of weeks, welcome to real life, honey!
Now, I'm being a bit vitriolic, and I understand that this is not the way to approach the conversation.
I think you handled it perfectly. You were appropriately supportive, you didn't take the "oh-poor-me" bait, and you didn't degenerate into R talk. I think you couldn't have done anything better.
