I know plenty of divorce people here who still give 'good' DB advice, some of the best are in fact divorced.
I call it like I see it, don't like it, don't listen.
Jack, I'm confused - was this post in reference to what you said regarding Kimmie?
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Quote:
We're all here for one thing...support.
False.
Praise when we do well. Critisism when we do poorly.
Trampled IS your husband in a MLC?
Regardless, I cannot see him ever wanting to be together with all of you again in any setting after that.
A part of me was thinking how damned cool that was, right out of the First Wives Club and stick to the man...honest, that was cool.
The other part is going...well, I'm hoping you wanted to be totally done with him.
My D21, her best friend, and I were talking about the criticism that I got on the boards...and the "First Wives Club" comment. They were surprised how anyone could think that it was a planned event when it all pretty much unfolded totally unplanned.
As cool as you thought it was, there was no "sticking it to the man" thoughts to it at all. To clarify, I was going to meet H to let him know that I had filed and he'd be served. But I was also hoping that since he had been nice most recently (which was a new thing), I wanted to glean out of the meeting whether he may have had a slight softening/change of heart and would be open to working it out. That's why I mentioned to him that I have my 1st appt with a Marriage Counselor coming up, to which he quizzically replied, "Hmmmm". What he meant by that is 'that's weird, we're already done'.
D's girlfriend was going to give him the papers after I prepared him and let him know. In fact, I told her that I didn't want to yet since I hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. But later, after D's BF said his piece, we all started tearing up, and it seemed ok for him to serve it since he wanted to do it.
M51, H49, D21 M 23yrs, T 28yrs 3/07 - OW Bomb 6/07 - move to MIL's; OW relocate 10/07 - OW2 Bomb 5/08 - secretly move to OW2's end/08 - secretly get beach apt w/OW2 2/09 I petition Legal Sep, not served yet
After reading about your night, I admit, that what I took away was a planned ambush of your H.
The question much earlier about where were I and BND? : ) We where right here in MLC Land. I don't post in Newbies, for several reasons, I'm not new. I don't have the patience for the BS, conflicting advice and he who yells loudest is correct. I am too blunt.
Same reason I do not post in Divorced but not Done, Seperated, or Infidelity...they aren't areas I have experience in. Well the last two yes...but MLC is the primary for my wife.
IF someone makes it to MLC on their own...then they have a chance of making it through all the BS and strife that goes along with it.
You REALLY have to look at a persons experience and how it affects the advice they are gving you.
Bottom line, you're on a Divorce Busting website looking for ADVICE not support. I'm going to blast anyone who goes against the principals of DBing and Michele Davis Weiner.
No I am not a professional, but my wife had a mid life crisis, an affair, left our children...blah, blah, blah...same story different names. So in this I have some experience and some advice.
You know...there is not one size fits all soultion...if there was this would be a guarentee to work.
: )
But you know what...
There are some one size fits all mistakes you can make if you DON'T want to be married.
If you listen to me, I will never tell you not to stand up for yourself. But I sure as sure will tell you when I think you screwed up...and others too.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I am going to file for D next week. But for me, the way to handle this is to remember that I have to protect my own dignity.
TH I am not sure what kind of advice you got here, and for that I am sorry. You should never involve your children. That is what the MLC'er does.
Apologize. I think that is the best thing.
DB'ing does not work for all marriages, but it CAN work for everyone. It is not about saving the marriage, but making you the best you that you can be. Just because a person is in MLC does not mean they will come out of it. It takes time, and patience.
I am filing because I did hit a point where I can't do it anymore. But this is an individual choice, and one that must be taken with great consideration. There are people who can survive for years and have a wonderful marriage when this mess is finished. And there are people who are tired of going through it. But in the end, handling it with dignity, honor and grace, whichever way it goes, is the best way.
(((hugs)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I believe the point is that your idea of "advice" is in fact support. We are all here to give help whether it's in the form of advice or comfort. That is all support.
The issue wasn't necessarily your bluntness, but your holier-than-thou tone in condemning someone who just started on these boards, and then criticizing another poster who was offering support. Mentioning that poster's D is not only cruel but juvenile and condescending.
I'm all for giving someone a 2x4 when necessary. But the way you go about is enough to scare anyone from the boards. And this is Michele's board. Not yours.
"I'm going to blast anyone who goes against the principals of DBing and Michele Davis Weiner."
Compassion is the number one rule of DB and taking care of oneself to rebuild your own self-esteem and confidence through GAL. Build people up. Not tear them down.
"I don't have the patience for the BS, conflicting advice and he who yells loudest is correct. I am too blunt. "
I understand that you were able to save your M. Good for you. But just because you made it doesn't mean that your way is the best. And there is definitely no room for rudeness. Being blunt is one thing being rude is another.
Peace be with you and your family.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I just have to say this...not because I feel the need to stick up but because it is the God's honest truth.
BND and Jack know more about this than anyone should, and if you are getting advice from either, feel privileged. They know what they are talking about.
This board may be about support, but really how supportive would we be if we just coddled each other and said "oh its okay?"
Mistakes are okay, as long as you learn from them
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I just have to say this...not because I feel the need to stick up but because it is the God's honest truth.
BND and Jack know more about this than anyone should, and if you are getting advice from either, feel privileged. They know what they are talking about.
This board may be about support, but really how supportive would we be if we just coddled each other and said "oh its okay?"
Mistakes are okay, as long as you learn from them
Well said!!!
Everyone needs a 2x4 sometimes. If everyone sugar coated everything then we would not get very far in our situations. Of course we want to hear all positive feedback but in reality...it isn't going to happen.
