True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[Silver Fox]

Thank you Ali,

I do appreciate your perspective and the challenge is duly noted! And guess what, he was just over here for nearly 3 hours. There was an email from him this morning asking the same thing as the call yesterday - need to get tax forms today. Before I could answer it he sent another one saying he would also like to come over to cut the grass while I was at work. I gave in on this one - glad that the offer came from him, rather than me saying you need to cut the damn grass!

So, after I arrived and he finished with the yard he began where he left off 2 weeks ago:

- "we need to decide what to do with the house"
- "what if I take the house and all the debt and then declare bankruptcy"
- "what if I work on the house and you stay here another year then sell it"
- "renting or you getting a roommate is probably not a good idea" (you think?)
- "I think it's better if we get D first and then bankruptcy"

He had nothing in writing which is what he said he would do 2 weeks ago. But he also said I was right about his L, he's young and hasn't handled many D cases (yeah, I'm right about something!) and maybe we should just meet with my L together.

He cried several times and talked about how he's messed everything up - "I can't even get a D right".

I stayed calm - I think I've finally reached it - I tried to validate - no, H you're not a failure, you can pull yourself out of this, you're capable of making the right choices. I did not talk about the OW AT ALL.

But I did say I was sorry he's in so much pain and that he's beginning to face the consequences of his choices now. I reminded him that he said he was unhappy 2 years ago when he left - are you happy now? (yes, probably a slip up but he didn't answer me anyway). And I said that there is another option. He knew what I meant - this is the closest we got to R talk. His standard reply - "I can't change my feelings" - yuk.

But Ali, he is completely convinced that a D has to happen. Winning him back? - I don't know at this point. Do I win him back by giving him the one thing he wants?