HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[trampledheart]

Look, I don't want everyone to get upset with those that supported me or advised me... I'm responsible for my choices, good or bad. One thing you should all know is, no matter how much you say things like it's straight out of "First Wives Club", or "Hell Has No Fury...", or that I just flushed any hope of saving my marriage, those kinds of comments do not make me feel good at all. In fact, are you suggesting it's pretty much done, so get off the boards?

[Kimmie Lee]

th, there is a thread that I wish I could find right now, and I will look for it, that shows how unconventional methods can work too. Don't be discouraged.

[trampledheart]

BND, thanks, I will consider that...

Kimmie, thanks please show me that thread, now that the deed is done, I'd like to see what it says...

[D Money]

I understand wanting to protect yourself and your D. You absolutely should and the legal sep is the way to go. You have to understand that for the MLCer EVERYTHING is about them. A lot of them can be paranoid at times. Beleive me my wife is so being served the way he was will feed that feeling. Does that make sense?

I'm no expert at this so please understand that but I would love him from a distance for now and let things cool off. He has to feel safe with you and right now there is no way he is going to feel that way.

[MrBond]

Just to be clear. Our "job" on these boards are not to "guide" the posters. We offer an opinion and that's that.

The only guide we should follow is DB and it says if something doesn't work, then do something different. Kimmie's right in that there is no one size fits all method.

In my own personal sitch, if I didn't stand up for myself like TH did, my W would have been long gone.

The way each one of us approaches our problems is based on us and our WASs as individuals. We on the boards don't know TH and her H. Maybe this has worked for them in the past. I'm sure each of us can look at our own sitches and noticed that we've done things that went against DBing a little but they worked.

Let's face it, this isn't our website. It's Michele's and she laid the groundwork. We aren't the professionals here. Just regular people each with our own stories.

There's enough pain and anger and hurt from all our sides. Let's not continue it on here. If we can validate what our WASs say to us, then surely we can validate what everyone here is doing. You don't have to agree, but encourage and offer a suggestion rather than condemn.

[MrBond]

TH -
I don't think you need to apologize for what you did (sorry BND). What's done is done. Just let it be and let it all work itself out. Your daughter and H are both grown ups. If you need to talk it over with your daughter, then do so, but I think she has a fine outstanding young man that can hold her up right now against her father.

My prayers go out to you.

[MrBond]

JTB-

"I never really had a problem with you until right now. How are you supporting people except on their way toward getting a divorce like you?"

I do believe this was entirely uncalled for. There's no place for hitting below the belt on these boards.

[brandnewday]

Stuck...
Let me explain the reason for my suggestion.

TH does have a pride issue, as does her Husband.

Neither of them knows how to communicate properly with one another.

I have described their relationship as a Mexican stand off.

For her to apologize would be a HUGE 180.

Stuck, I mean no disrespect towards you but we are here to guide

one another and support one another.

Had it not been for the support and advice I received on these boards, I would be Divorced by now.

MLC is not the same as a WAS.

It is a completely different animal, and if not handled with kid gloves, you will not get the results you want.

And, as for the comment to Kimmie, I totally agree with Jack.

[MrBond]

Thanks BND. Trust me I'm going through the MLC thing and I know exactly what you all mean.

Personally, I stick to the idea that we are only here to offer opinions and not guide. We aren't paid professionals after all and we're only hearing one side of the issue. Michele is the only one who could "guide" a couple since she has the credentials.

Thanks for sharing. It's what makes these boards dynamic. : )

Although I have to disagree with JTB when he says'
""I never really had a problem with you until right now. How are you supporting people except on their way toward getting a divorce like you?"

Especially the "like you" part. that's really getting personal and sounds like a personal grudge that shouldn't be carried onto someone else's post.

Hope everything is going well in your sitch. MLC does indeed suck.

[brandnewday]

Stuck,

My FIL died in 2002.

My Husband changed overnight, I kid you not, it was like a freaking lightbulb moment.

Everything was turned upside down.

For 2 years he was a MLC mess.

In 2004 I got the bomb.

In 2005 he packed up and moved 3000 miles away to start a new life for himself.

In April 2007 he came home again.

After 2 years of piecing and working hard, we have a new Marriage.

I do not have a degree in councelling, only in the school of hard knocks.

I am not a professional anything.

I am a hard-arsed opinionated Woman, who calls a spade a spade.

I have made every single mistake in the DB book.

((((hugs))))