Okay, I'm back to try to finish what I started this morning. I know that I'm not being encouraging but I am trying to be as honest as I can.
As i said, I did apologized to my H and I did not set out to try to hurt him. I got caught up in something very bad and then got addictied to it. Anyway, I felt guilty and defensive and mad when he confronted me. Like your wife, I wanted to love him but was not attracted to him. It was not until I completely cut all ties with the OM that I begin to feel any feelings for my H at all. So, I am worried that with her seeing her OM every day that it has not put the fires out for her. Now, if the OM was to really do her bad and tick her off bad enough that she could hate his guts.....then she probably would get over him and turn her feelings back to you. But, that is the easy way out for her. It is when you are still carrying a torch for the OM and just do it out of your "free will" and not your heart that is tough!
I will say this for my H, he has never brought up the OM to me and we don't talk about the R unless I say something about it, which I haven't said very much. You may not agree with me, but I think my case is somewhat different b/c of mine and his health issues. It really puts a damper on the romantic side of things. Maybe it goes with getting older, but I wasn't expecting it this soon.....lol. He is in a rut and "settled" and it is hard for me, but with me not feeling well myself, I don't have the energy to do much about it. But, we do get along. In fact, I don't think we've had one argument since all of that happened with OM.
You may want to talk to Puppy, if he is still on here. The last I heard, he was going to take a break b/c he and his wife were not apparently making a go of things. She is one that could never feel attracted to him after her A.
Don't judge your stitch by me or my stitch. I waited late in life to decide to go crazy..... I hope your wife will realize what is best for her and the two of you can go on with your lives and be happy together. Anytime you need to talk, I'll be here. I wish I could be more helpful. It took me a very long time, Stuck, so it probably will your wife also.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I hope your wife will realize what is best for her and the two of you can go on with your lives and be happy together. Anytime you need to talk, I'll be here. I wish I could be more helpful. It took me a very long time, Stuck, so it probably will your wife also.