I don't think it's too harsh. I think you both deserve to start over on the right foot and honesty is a huge thing. I think that she may be afraid to tell you all of the details at first because of what she fears your reaction may be. If she shares that she did have a PA with the OM will you be able to forgive her? If she finally comes clean with her indiscretion all of those years ago will you be able to forgive her? If you can then maybe you should start by building her confidence that she can tell you anything and you will not turn against her. It seems backwards to win her trust so she will feel comfortable being totally honest with you, but I don't think telling her be honest or else is the way to go. Transparency is so important when recovering from either an EA or PA. I don't know if I would be able to move forward without that. It's definitely something she needs to be aware of whatever way you decide to go.
