I wish we could afford for him to stay in a motel but money is tight right now.
He says he might be able to stay @ his cousins but he waiting to hear if its ok w/cousins wife. I keep on him about it.
Another thing I started doing is speaking my mind. For example he invited me to go eat today and I kept saying no. I just flat out said I don't want to because everytime we try that u want to make some comment about divorce and I told u I want no part of those discussions. (Its always about where he is going to live, blah blah) like it makes him feel better to let me know he just thinks of me as a friend. Well he has no clue what being a friend is anyway.
I have friends I've known for 8 mths that have been there for me more then he has during this diagnosis. Its sad.
He has changed so much in the last week. He has been so cold hearted and mean. He is changing so much I didnt think it was possible. For the first time Im a mess tonight in the realization that its over and its bittersweet because I know in my heart its for the best, but I still have so much pain. I just want it to stop.
Thanks stuck- I am sorry too. I guess all this time I had hoped he'd change his mind, prayed and prayed, saw changes but no matter what I did or said to him- it was always the wrong thing.
It always seemed so far away that I tried to not worry about time, but as I see that I only have 2 weeks left @ school, it just hit me.
I'm just really angry and disappointed.
I actually am in the airport, I flew home for my sisters graduation and so that will be a nice distraction, but still hard cause everyone wants to be asking questions.
I honestly can say this is the most horrible thing I've gone through. I feel such a loss, emptiness and I don't even want to think about ever being with anyone else in the future. After everything that should be foolish of me but I can't help it. I feel like I've lost the love of my life and I don't even know why.
I honestly can say this is the most horrible thing I've gone through. I feel such a loss, emptiness and I don't even want to think about ever being with anyone else in the future. After everything that should be foolish of me but I can't help it. I feel like I've lost the love of my life and I don't even know why.
I know how you feel Jenn. The hardest part for me is the sense of loss. We are lucky to be young and still have a lot of life yet.... but the sense of loss just tears up my heart. I also do not understand why and it makes it so difficult for me. My H lied several weeks ago about having an A - I was so upset but part of me was a little relieved b/c I thought I finally might have closure. But then he came clean that it was a lie to push me further away and get me to sign D papers! So now I am probably more confused & hurt than before. It's very difficult w/o having a good explanation.
One thing is for sure - we are both strong, amazing women and will be stronger with this experience regardless the outcome. Keep praying and seeking God. You will be rewarded for your efforts.
Hope you enjoy your weekend away!
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
So sorry to hear about the latest in your sitch fit. thank you for coming in and checking up on me. I cant believe your H is toying with you in that way. That is horrible.
I have not updated in a while. Its nice to look back and read my other posts to see how far I have come.
I was thinking today that I cant believe its been 8 months since the bomb. I wish I could sit here and say I am doing to so much better, I am fine with everything and that I am moving on. But I do not feel that way.
I know why though, I am feeling like this. It is because H is constantly playing with my emotions. I dont really show weakness in front of him or anyone else for that matter, but when I get home I fall apart. For example, i mentioned that he moved back out well guess what--his cousin he was living with got flooded out of his house so he has been having to stay here the last week or so.
during this last week he was being so nice, helping me out around the house, showing me the old side of him. Never brought up D. Even been a tiny affectionate..sitting close to me on the couch, asking me to stay up later with him and watch a movie. Then today.
For a little background, my H is a really messy (and as you have learned disrespectful) person. When he moved back in I asked just one thing: please clean up after yourself and put in your part of the household duties. I told him i would expect this of a roomate as well. This way i didnt sound like i was "bitching" or nagging" I feel like its not fair that I should have to pick up the slack of him being here like I always did when we were together.
So this is going to sound so stupid but im leading to a point. When the weekends come up he disappears. This really bothers me but I try to not say anything or ask any questions about his whereabouts AND I make plans of my own. But, it still bothers me. So I called him today (which I literally NEVER call him) and said " I dont know if you will be home before I go to bed so do you have a minute" he said yes then I just said "I would really appreciate it if you vacuumed like you said you would a week ago, Ive got 5 finals for school next week and could really use the extra help"
Then he flips the F out. Starts throwing F bombs at me, telling me to just stay out of his business, dont touch his things, dont talk to him, hurry up and get this D over with, all I do is bitch and nag at him...etc etc. This goes on a bit and starts getting heated because once again, I was blindsided. I was only doing what he asked which was " Jenn, if you want me to do something or help with something around the house all you have to do is tell me/ask me and Ill get it done."
So that is what I did. I promise you it was an innocent phone call and that I was very polite when I asked him. Now he will be coming here at some point tonight to gather up his stuff once again, and go to his cousins.
I feel like I did something wrong and I know I shouldn't blame myself. Part of me wants him here in hopes that he will change his feelings for me, but when he is here he walks all over me. Just leaves, comes home late, eats all my food, dirties everything up, he will even walk in the living room and turn the TV station as I am clearly watching something. Why am I blaming myself? I dont want him to leave again, though I did tell him that I wanted him out of my life in anger. Maybe I should not have said it but he was being so mean.
i feel like I am walking on egg shells with this man and there is no reason for it. I am at the most important and critical week this week coming up because I have 3 finals for school and then 2 state board tests that determine if I will get my license or not. I really cant take this stress anymore. During the work week we get along great then the weekend comes up and this always happens.
I dont know how to act when he comes back here tonight or what to say. Any suggestions??
I have a meeting with my lawyer to finalize papers she will send to his lawyer. Its the weirdest thing because I feel like I will find someone better someday but I feel myself constantly holding on in my mind and its tearing me up. All my friends and family think I am doing just fine because on the outside it appears that way. I cant help but feel I am being forced to do something against my will. Its horrible
Ahhh...Another lucky contestant on the DB board. Welcome to hell. Will that be cash or charge? Our divorce was recently completed and it does suck when you know that the clock is running. I found that I was mainly freaked out the day before. After that, the 'pressure' eased up dramatically on me. Thankfully, I didn't have to go to court. Anyway, I remember reading here somewhere that marriage is just a piece of paper and so is the divorce document. That did put a lot of perspective on the situation and helped to keep me from panicking for lack of a better word. I also have read that many couples do get back together after divorces which also helped. You can lose a battle and still win the war so to speak. That is why I am still here. I know you're hurting, but if you have any notions of getting back together, DO NOT argue or freak out with your H. I did not do the begging and pleading with my ex, but she knew that I wanted the marriage to still work. She probably could easily sense it and I took a bunch of crappy behavior from her in the months leading up to the D which I believe is just as fatal as begging. In other words: don't let this happen to you. And if it does go through, and you still want to try to work it out, well, thats why this forum is here. A divorce date is not necessarily the end of it all. Its just a battle lost. Hope this helps.
I just read your post and I'm sorry you're going through this. My advice would be to kick his @$$ out of the house. He had no right to disrespect you. He's got issues and he's got to stop blaming you for them.
Get your respect back from him girl.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I went to the L today and sent a response to H's filing. I was hoping I could just sign his and it be over but long story short I found out he was trying to screw me over...so I had no choice but to hire my L.
He has no idea that I did this-not only that he is going to be served next week with a restraining order (which isnt the one you are thinking of, its to stop him from selling his car and stashing the money away)
So he is about to get really upset with me, but I am not going to be one of thoese woman that just gives up and gives the guy whatever he wants just because I am emotionally drained. I didnt want this divorce, I still dont, but he has been bugging me and I didnt want to default and loose all my rights.
Our first hearing is at the end of the month. Which means if he agrees to everything we will be D in a few weeks instead of another 2 months like I was thinking
