My H had all the MLC signs - change in appearance (tanning, waxing, etc), partying all night, playing guitar in a rock band.
Maybe he's in stage 4 of MLC now, the Depression Stage? Or maybe after his second OW he's a WAS? He seemed to have become more settled, not drinking as much, not partying as much, looking tired, and maybe a little depressed.
I want him to come back, and he knows that... I'm hoping that H will not let that be the last time we do anything together. I asked him that night to not let him being served affect that. Only time will tell...
Trampledheart
M51, H49, D21 M 23yrs, T 28yrs 3/07 - OW Bomb 6/07 - move to MIL's; OW relocate 10/07 - OW2 Bomb 5/08 - secretly move to OW2's end/08 - secretly get beach apt w/OW2 2/09 I petition Legal Sep, not served yet
Look honest, That WAS pretty damned cool. Standing up for yourself, yes you did, and I totally support standing up for yourself in all of this.
Realistically the way you did it...you ambushed him. He is going to be gun shy at the very best around you and future outings. In this and MLC the only thing an eye for an eye does is blind people to the chance of reconciliation.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
To my praisers - thank you. I hope I did the right thing, and I hope how it happened shocks him into his senses. I'm not going to expect that it will. I'm just going to pray and hope it will.
To my criticizers - thank you. I wish you had posted when I was wondering what I should do. No one posted advising that I shouldn't do it. It's easy to criticize afterwards. But not so easy to have the foresight to advise before when I was struggling with it.
D Money - My goal was to do what's best for me and my D first. And I was hoping that it would shock him into seeing what he's doing and what he's losing. I was scared but I decided it was time for me to do something, even it's at the risk of loosing it all. I read somewhere that you may have to come to that point sometime.
Sometimes I wonder how I can get advice from posters... I've noticed that I get comments afterwards from people, but not much beforehand when I'm struggling with an issue or an action to take or not...
I'm rather new here... and it's true, I am getting scared of posting because afterwards many want to comdemn my actions - when they had the opportunity to advise beforehand - and chose not to.
Trampledheart
M51, H49, D21 M 23yrs, T 28yrs 3/07 - OW Bomb 6/07 - move to MIL's; OW relocate 10/07 - OW2 Bomb 5/08 - secretly move to OW2's end/08 - secretly get beach apt w/OW2 2/09 I petition Legal Sep, not served yet
In answer to your question my Husband was in MLC for many years, he was one of the absolute worst MLC'ers here. I think I actually posted one of his emails on this thread.
Had I followed the advice of people who were bitter and wanted revenge and had no thought of reconciling, then perhaps I too would have done some very stupid things to make absolutely sure that my Marriage would never be restored.
As for the self righteous thing, sorry if you perceive me to be that way. I got tired of posting sugar coated things a long long time ago, and found it much easier to post the truth, even if it sometimes hurts. After all there is a huge thing at stake, a Marriage and it is better to tell the truth rather then worry about hurt feelings.
Let me reiterate one thing, I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with filing for a Separation or even a Divorce. Each person knows when they are done, and when they have had enough. I chose to stand for my Marriage, and that also goes against the grain for many here.
And let me also remind you that this is not a game. The actions of TH were very harsh, and uncalled for. Probably once the dust has settled, she will see that for herself. I hope she is absolutely sure that she wants no part of a Marriage with this Man, because that little stunt pretty much blew it.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
To my criticizers - thank you. I wish you had posted when I was wondering what I should do. No one posted advising that I shouldn't do it. It's easy to criticize afterwards. But not so easy to have the foresight to advise before when I was struggling with it.
You are an adult and you need to take responsibility for your own actions, you can not blame anyone else for what you did.
I am sorry too, because I have been posting to you and had you posted on my thread I would have told you to BE STILL.
You should keep posting here, BUT be selective about the ones you take advice from.
Stay away from the bitter ones who are angry and rally around those who are about to be Divorced like them.
Take advice from the ones who may be Divorced but are happy with their lives and will support you.
Take advice from those who even though they are Divorced have an amazing friendship with their Ex's and can guide you along this journey.
Take advice from those who have restored Marriages and can help you to not make the same mistakes that they have made.
(((hugs)))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
