Where do you come off with that? Read the posts before I had decided when to serve. I was going to wait. But I followed advice from other DBers that helped me get the gumption to even serve him at all!
There was no plan to ruin his vacation with OW, but serving him was something I had to do anyways, but just hadn't because of fear... As for the timing, it was better to do it before for many factors. He's already used our assets towards their vacation, and since he's been getting moving funds around, I certainly didn't want him to hide more money in foreign accounts. The OW is German, and they've been making several trips to Canada already.
And as for my daughter, she's been the one trying to get me to serve him all this time, while I was paralyzed. Do you have a daughter? You do, don't you? How is your relationship with her? My relationship with my daughter is great.
M51, H49, D21 M 23yrs, T 28yrs 3/07 - OW Bomb 6/07 - move to MIL's; OW relocate 10/07 - OW2 Bomb 5/08 - secretly move to OW2's end/08 - secretly get beach apt w/OW2 2/09 I petition Legal Sep, not served yet
Where do you come off with that? Read the posts before I had decided when to serve. I was going to wait. But I followed advice from other DBers that helped me get the gumption to even serve him at all!
Obviously you took advice from the wrong people..... Drama begets drama....
Having him served wasn't the issue, it was the way you chose to do it.
Most of us would have chosen to have our Lawyers handle the issues, so it could have been perceived as a business arrangement, not a personal vendetta.
It would have made you look much better, especially for when you go to Court.
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There was no plan to ruin his vacation with OW, but serving him was something I had to do anyways, but just hadn't because of fear... As for the timing, it was better to do it before for many factors. He's already used our assets towards their vacation, and since he's been getting moving funds around, I certainly didn't want him to hide more money in foreign accounts. The OW is German, and they've been making several trips to Canada already.
Really?
Hmmmm!!!
Hard to believe when they used your "points" to buy the tickets.
You already were mad that your D21 couldn't go to Ireland as he had used the points.
Sorry I do not believe you.
But my opinion doesn't matter.
To thine own self be true.
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And as for my daughter, she's been the one trying to get me to serve him all this time, while I was paralyzed. Do you have a daughter? You do, don't you? How is your relationship with her? My relationship with my daughter is great.
Actually I have 5 Daughters. And 3 Sons.
My D21 and I are close. My S22 and I are close.
When their Father was in MLC and acting like an assh*le I didn't involve them in my personal issues.
I didn't tell them all of the details of their Father's affairs.
I didn't discuss their Father with them, as I come from a Divorced home.
My parents did that to me and it was awful.
You may not always be his Wife, but she will ALWAYS be his Daughter.
You need to respect that and as much as you may be hurting, you also need to encourage the relationship with her Father.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I got advice from my Atty on how to serve, thank you. I don't think the Courts are swayed by who serves, as long as it's done within the constraints of the legal process. Did the "way" you serve help your outcome? I doubt it had any bearing.
And as far as being mad that H used our assets for his OW, yes I was mad, but not mad enough... You do not have any idea what I've been through, or know how many times I've been trampled on by my H. It's been a long 2 years and so much had transpired that most people view me as weak. I've become accustomed to his abuses that I no longer have energy to stand up for myself.
If he is being an assh*le to his daughter, then daughter won't respect him. He actually disowned her at the start of all this. And THAT is another story in itself.
M51, H49, D21 M 23yrs, T 28yrs 3/07 - OW Bomb 6/07 - move to MIL's; OW relocate 10/07 - OW2 Bomb 5/08 - secretly move to OW2's end/08 - secretly get beach apt w/OW2 2/09 I petition Legal Sep, not served yet
You're being wayyy to harsh. For one thing, TH has been at this for over two years and has been debating doing "anything" for that long. So finally she decides to do something and stand strong to protect her and her D.
I applaud her for it and you should too. When someone finds the strength to stand up for themselves and start to re-build their self esteem that has been shattered by a WAS, then they need to be built up and not torn down.
Is the timing unfortunate? Sure. But let's face it, there's never going to be a perfect time.
On top of that, her D is an adult. I can see if she's young, but she is old enough to see what is what. Her father wasn't there for her. Period. It's up to her to see how she wants to deal with it. You have an older daughter. Tell me how if you told her to disrespect her father on purpose, that she would do it against her will.
You've been at this for 4 years just from your signature. How long was your H in MLC? Is he still in it? When everything was going to pieces for you and you decided to stand up for yourself, what would have happened if a self-righteous person started berating you and saying you're doing the wrong thing? That's a terrible thing to do.
The last time I checked, there was only one person who could speak in absolute truths. And he could walk on water.
We're all here for one thing...support. We've all been in each others shoes. There's never a right or wrong decision. Just decisions whether good or bad.
Let's all remember that.
Peace
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
We're all here for one thing...support. We've all been in each others shoes. There's never a right or wrong decision. Just decisions whether good or bad.
me - I'm done, I've tried to save my marriage for a good solid two weeks now and nothing, I'm going to take all the money out of our bank account go to Vegas and sleep with 4 prostitutes while drinking a 150 year old scotch....
My friends here - Good idea! Enjoy yourself. That'll teach her!
That's support
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We're all here for one thing...support.
False.
Praise when we do well. Critisism when we do poorly.
Trampled IS your husband in a MLC?
Regardless, I cannot see him ever wanting to be together with all of you again in any setting after that.
A part of me was thinking how damned cool that was, right out of the First Wives Club and stick to the man...honest, that was cool.
The other part is going...well, I'm hoping you wanted to be totally done with him.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
"me - I'm done, I've tried to save my marriage for a good solid two weeks now and nothing, I'm going to take all the money out of our bank account go to Vegas and sleep with 4 prostitutes while drinking a 150 year old scotch....
My friends here - Good idea! Enjoy yourself. That'll teach her!"
? I'm not sure where this is from.
"Praise when we do well. Critisism when we do poorly. "
That's what happens when you support someone.
"A part of me was thinking how damned cool that was, right out of the First Wives Club and stick to the man...honest, that was cool. The other part is going...well, I'm hoping you wanted to be totally done with him."
She stuck up for herself which is a good thing. Even in a setting like that. I'm sure your sitch had its moments as well. There just comes a time when we start standing up for ourselves and not let the actions of our WASs affect us.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"me - I'm done, I've tried to save my marriage for a good solid two weeks now and nothing, I'm going to take all the money out of our bank account go to Vegas and sleep with 4 prostitutes while drinking a 150 year old scotch....
My friends here - Good idea! Enjoy yourself. That'll teach her!"
? I'm not sure where this is from.
"Praise when we do well. Critisism when we do poorly. "
That's what happens when you support someone.
"A part of me was thinking how damned cool that was, right out of the First Wives Club and stick to the man...honest, that was cool. The other part is going...well, I'm hoping you wanted to be totally done with him."
She stuck up for herself which is a good thing. Even in a setting like that. I'm sure your sitch had its moments as well. There just comes a time when we start standing up for ourselves and not let the actions of our WASs affect us.
Jack was showing the difference between support and what we should actually be doing here which is keeping each other focused on DBing. Support is a small piece of keeping someone focused. When someone handles something the right way, you praise them. If they don't or are thinking about doing something the wrong way, you hit them with a 2x4.
Yes it's great she stood up for herself but there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.
TH - What's your goal? Is it to have a chance of reconciling? If so you're flushing it down the toilet handling it this way.
