A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

I'm lying in bed typing this right now as I feel I need to vent a bit. I've been subjected to a couple of lows tonight and it's left me feeling a little deflated. I decided to come on and post right away because I don't want everyone to think I've suddenly become a happy person all of the time. I do still have my low points which are still hard to deal with. I think I am better at dealing with them now though.

The first low tonight was my Mum yet again telling me that she thought there was no hope for my M. I just basically told her that I didn't need to hear things like that and asked her to just support me as it's something I need to do.

The second low was when I came on the computer tonight. I have a Bebo account and up until tonight my W still had me as the other half of her. I'm still there as a friend and she's still listing herself as married but it was a bit of a blow to be taken off the top spot so to speak. She's been on Bebo fairly regularly since we separated and I've always seen it as a good sign since she never removed me as her other half. Tonight changed my mind on that front. I know it probably means nothing but it still hurts to see. She was at my house looking after Wee Man when I got home from work but my Mum had also shown up for a visit. They were talking away fine when I got in but my W never stayed around long after I got in. She was pleasant with me before she left though. It was strange, even after all this time, when I came home from work I wanted to give her a hug as I always used to when I got in from work. Don't think it would have been taken in the best of spirits though!

I've also recently come across a few negative threads on here which aren't helping. People who have been DBing for a lot longer than me and finally failing and giving up. I wish there were more people who have succeeded on here. I know the balance is upset because most people when they get success, don't feel the need to be here any more but it makes everything seem so negative. The annoying thing is that I know if I gave up now I could find someone else who would probably make me happier than I am right now but not as happy as I would be if I got my W back. It's that lack of patience thing rearing its ugly head again I suppose. I know that someday there's a very real possibility that I am going to have to just give up and that scares the hell out of me. I want to be certain that everything I'm doing is eventually going to pay off and bust my divorce but at the end of the day, that is a very slim chance. It's a sobering thought.

So, I'm going to be going to sleep in a less than perfect mood tonight but I'll hopefully wake up feeling a lot better. It's times like these when it makes me wonder if it's all really worth the pain. It has to be though. Otherwise, why are we all here?

Kev