Looking backward but only to move forward SEVEN

[sage]

D day was in 2002 (November) and with time, lots and lots of DB'ing and "self-improvement" and work, our marriage got really, really strong and enjoyable and lovely. I can't recall the exact timing of it but certainly by 2004+, we were really, truly enjoying ourselves, being married, being together, etc.

I was thinking this AM about how truly happy we were then and it was a serious reality check. I really doubt that either one of us would claim to be "REALLY" happy right now. We certainly love each other, and I believe we are both committed to our marriage (and our daughter) but the shiny happiness, and honestly, the desire to make each other happy in that way has been severely depleted over the last few years. The good news is that I think for both of us, it's still recent enough, still in our bones a bit, that I don't think we've forgotten it's possible to feel that way about each other. At least, I hope he hasn't forgotten it's possible to feel that way. I hope he knows it's possible to get it back again.

1. Continue exercising and doing WWs to lose the remaining lbs.

did well with this yesterday and today so far.

2. Focus on small behavior changes that will have a large impact on relationship with h:
a. LISTEN MORE. SHUT UP. STOP TALKING! This will entail my getting back to my habit of saying about 50% of what I want to say. Especially off limits are comments on h's relationship with DD, negative/sarcastic comments about anything, leading/questioning comments.


Better on this yesterday (haven't had much of a chance today) but I still have to keep on my toes with this.

b. FOCUS on h when I am with him. Make him, listening to him, relating to him, being with him a priority.


Ditto.

c. STOP scorekeeping. If I need a break, ask for it. STOP making out schedules in my head that show how much I'm doing vs how much he does.

Did well with this yesterday. No issues today so far.

d. Make time for in-house dates (we're doing well with dates outside of the house!). This could have a HUGE impact if I would find some time to make a special meal, suggest watching a show he's interested in, etc.

Watched a show with him last night but bolted to bed once it was over....work on slowing down.


e. Start meditating again. I KNOW this helps me with anger and cluttered thinking...why aren't I doing it?


3. START CLEANING. 15 minutes a day, no excuses. Just do this. H will LOVE it.

Did 15 mins of each of these yesterday. Yay!

Other thoughts...I feel that I'm so angry of late...not just at h but at the world. I know that I can work on changing my attitude. I think he's getting used to "angry sage" and I want to show him that "happy sage" is the one to hang out with. I have to be careful, though, not to bottle things up so that "angry sage" comes flying out!

I feel truly remotivated. I know I've said this before but this time it does feel different. I want my joyful marriage back.

Sage