New around here...

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks for the input mnt.

I guess I should look at the positive in that at least he does email or text and sometimes call about once a week. Although he's not called in 2 weeks bc I am out of the country, my cell doesn't work here. He knows my family's number where I am staying but to be honest I think he is afraid to call here worrying what someone who answers might say to him (eventho nobody has said anything to him. While my family are being supportive of me and my sitch they are not involved in speaking to him about what he is doing)

I had a really busy day. I took my niece and nephew to the zoo and it was really nice weather out and we had lots of fun. Then after I stopped at the mall with my mom and sister and did some shopping. I am beat now.

I had an email from H tonight. I feel I should respond, eventho it was only one sentence. 'Hi, hope you are having a good time (smiley face)' well i guess it can't get much shorter than that. But i should be happy that he is contacting me. So he must be thinking about me. I know this is a postive response to what i've been trying to do but i can't help but think what is his motive to his contacting, is it bc he is feeling guilty, bored, genuine? I suppose I shouldn't think about these things and just keep doing my part...

[hopeful_cb]

I had a busy day today. Was out most of the day and did some shopping too. I got big news that I'm going to be an Aunt again although not everyone's been told the news yet so I have to try really hard not to spill the beans. This will be hard but I'll do it. I'm so excited for my sister but it also makes me see how far away from that I am now which is sad for me.

I did end up replying to H's email but just short saying that yes i am doing good and having a nice time. He already responded which is quicker than usual just saying great hes so glad im having a good time and then about what hes working on at work. He always seems to be telling me about his work and what he is working on or any problems with people at work when he does speak to me or email. We always did talk in depth about his work(and mine) so i guess its not that strange, it is the only subject really that he talks about like he used to, other areas of 'life' he just talks to me like im a stranger or something, not someone who's talked to him almost everyday for over 8 years!

[mnt_dreams]

I think that's a good sign he emailed you to say hi. Good job keeping your response short, and then he felt like he could talk a little about work. Even though it's just work, at least he's comfortable talking with you. It's something to build on. Good job!

Congrats on being an aunt again! That's exciting!

[hopeful_cb]

Well im packing my things tonight to go back home from my visit. The time has flown and i know it will be hard to go back. It is much easier when i am here bc i am busy and have lots of family around for support. its much easier to forget about whats happening with H when i am here bc i am so far away and i dont spend so much time alone like i do at home.

When i get back this week i am going to plan for myself to keep journaling, to review my goals and to re-read some of DR to refocus what i am doing. i feel like i need to work on 180s more, i am trying to do things differently which are more helpful to me and make me happier but its hard for me to actually list them. also H never really gave me a list of complaints so i find it hard to remember what were problems. i think i need to do some more searching myself and do some reading.

It will be hard for me to walk back into my now empty house but i will do my best to keep my head up and continue on. im sure i just need to get used to things again, get my to do lists made to keep me busy and make sure i take care of myself(like making sure i sleep enough).

thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement i have been getting here this has been helpful for me.

[hopeful_cb]

Boy oh boy this has been hard. I feel almost as bad as when this all started. tomorrow i have to go back to work and hopefully my routine will kick in and i'll start to feel better.

I have been home 2 days now and H hasn't even acknowledged I'm back in the country! But i didnt expect him to as he never remembers dates anyway. I'm not planning on contacting him tho, i figure he knows my number and if he wants to talk to me he knows how.

I have been thinking about how H left things when he, well, left. I feel like as far as he is concerned he moved out, took his ring off and is moving on with his life. There has never been any talk of maybe working things out. He has always said that would not be fair to me and even told me I shouldn't let him come back even if he did wanted to. I know i can't change his mind. I feel like the more he is 'moving on with his life' the more disconnected we are and the farther away he gets. And then the less chance there is that he is thinking of me or our M. I know this is probably how it's supposed to go naturally. I just wish he had thoughts in his mind of it not being totally over and of things we could work on. At least then i'd have somewhere to go from.

I know what I need to do is keep GAL and working on myself. Just having a hard time of it today.

[clueless]

Welcome home. You know it is funny, but imho, when he says, "don't let me come back later even if I want to" he is acknowledging that he will be liekly be back. He is acknowledging his feelings, but he is trying to over-ride that longer view with his current supposed conviction. Stay hopeful.

[PortlandDad]

WAS's always lie and they always exaggerate. Everything is expressed in terms of extremes: This M will NEVER work. This M is DEFINITELY over, etc. Just listen and validate, or as SmileyPerson says Smile and wave. When the fog starts to dissipate they will start to speak more positively. Just don't get too excited when that happens either.

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks for the responses there I appreciate the input.

Clueless, I hadn't looked at it that way before. Maybe there is something to that. Maybe I should just take it as him not being as sure as he other times says he is.

PD, yes, listen and validate...I am trying that whenever I can! I have been really working on listening better(when we actually get to talk cuz its not that much!) Actually looking him in the eyes and really listening, most of the time he wont give any eye contact back. I am trying to validate when I see the chances but feel it never comes out how I meant it to, so need to keep working on this. Also afterwards I reflect and see missed chances...can't do anything about that now tho, just will try better for next time.

He never really put blame on me for what happened(even when I tried to acknowledge my part in this mess) but just says he knows I wasn't happy(no matter what I say), says I've done nothing wrong, don't think that I did or change anything about myself and even went so far as to say he knows he couldn't have asked for a more loving, caring, or better person.

Anyway I am working on what I can do now and will really spend some time this weekend getting back into everything.

[hopeful_cb]

Ok so I was feeling a tiny bit better today and was busy all day with classes and with friends from work so it helped me some.

I have been back for a few days now and no contact from H. I have decided I am not going to contact him at all. I will leave that to him if he decides to do so.

Also thinking...if/when he does how should I respond? still keep it short and not say much or talk to him about my trip if he asks? hmmm...

[hopeful_cb]

Ok no calls today, not worried about it! Had a really hard morning today, but trying to keep positive. Got really busy at work and got my mind off things and will continue to keep busy tonight since i have a friend coming over to hang out or go do something....then the rest of the weekend I just need to keep it up. Trying to be my own cheerleader! i know i can do this even when its hard.