I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

I am still hanging in there. I haven't had contact since she sent a text last week. The lack of contact is helping me clear my mind, but it is also scary. I wonder what she is doing and what she is thinking.

She had dinner with one of our mutual friend couples earlier this week and opened up to them. I was happy to hear this, because she has been so closed off from everyone. My friend told me that I definitely don't want to lose hope and should stick with it. His overall impression from their discussion was that she was confused and doesn't know what she wants right now. She told them that she now has the realization that the way she handled past events have affected her marriage. She also told them that she is not against going back to marriage counselling, but felt that she needed to delay it because she was feeling overwhelmed at the time. I think that I should wait and let her bring up any possibility of going back to counselling.

While I am happy to hear things like this, it causes my mind to start wandering again. I have some very strong days where I feel really good and then I crash and start wondering if I am doing the right thing right now.

I know she is flying out today to go to her mom's through the weekend and I thought of sending her a text message or email telling her to enjoy herself and have fun. The other side of me wonders if I shouldn't contact her at all until she contacts me.