Ah K, I am sorry about your H and his work. I can't say that I am surprised in the least bit. Most people make time or make an effort when they want something. Either he does not want that something or or thinks he has that something already.
SOrry K.. I meant a while ago, he asked if he could move back in and you didnt want him to then, and I thought he said something about it again a few weeks back (but not this weekend, no). Ok, scrap that idea then.
May 2nd/3rd is that Venus square Pluto again, supposed to be a bit of a dramatic turning point I gather. Dont know how that equates with you and H.
Sorry.. you sound a bit sad, or mad, not sure, but not happy? Not surprising, its all just seems so disappointing hey? I dont know what you can do to make him 'get it', really I dont.
Sis I have wanted to post but honestly I have no idea what to say. My first reaction is to say, "He is not making enough effort cut your losses." But I don't know that I could take my own advice and I don't want to be a hypocrite...
I agree with what John said, either he doesn't want it bad enough or he is happy with the (little) relationship that you have now. I wish I had a suggestion to help here but I don't. I just know that if you have to pick him up on your back and carry him where you want him to be, it won't work. And you already know that yourself. Crap!
Bbj, I am not sure anymore why I hold on to this man. Sometimes if feels like love of somekind, but I dont know. It could be that I am stubborn, that I am scared to officially call it quits, that the practical issues seem overwhelming, that my kids need him. The truth is, I have put myself in a worse state of limbo than before and he is getting away with it.
If you recall, when I said let's divorce he said "fine" but at the same time it was clear I WAS making that choice because "he loves me etc etc". I think that is the hook for me. I am thinking if love exists then why not fight for it? Why not try to make myself love him as I used to, I should be able to after all the things I've learned about decisions and choices and the "scary" future that awaits divorced women (btw, the law here sure stinks regarding CS and the rest). I am trying to be smart and use that crystal ball as MDW says.
More and more lately the post about loving someone but not being able to have a relationship with him is coming to mind. He is family and I dont feel I hate him or have any negative feelings toward him. On the contrary. He is polite, caring some times, helps out in the house when he is here, good father to my kids... I cant get mad at him now. But I am disappointed. VERY disappointed.
The truth is, he has me where it's convenient for him and I am allowing it even though I am miserable. I cant live my life like this. Everyday I feel I am wasting my life waiting for him to step up and he will never will. I was scared that if I go ahead with the divorce I will look back one day and think "I made a horrible mistake". Now I am thinking that I will say the same thing but only in regards to the wasted time of my life in this sick situation.
fb2, I cant change it on my own. I cant. It's the truth. It takes 2 to tango my friend. And believe me, I am tested every day on my patience, understanding etc etc. I am beginning to feel like a fool here. NOT good. (disappointed not mad )K
Just wanted to let you know that I read this thread. It seems you have a very long history, and I don't know all of it.
From the limited information I've read, it seems that your marriage is in purgatory and that you are waiting for your husband to step up. I'm not sure if your husband has ever stepped up and been your dream?? Anyway, I know that purgatory is not a happy place.
If you haven't done so already (and you may have, so please forgive me as I am commenting in ignorance), I hope that you have spent some time envisioning yourself living the life of your dreams. And, I hope that you have started to do things for yourself that work toward that vision. Whatever it may be.
I'll try to keep up with your thread as you work your way across this big bridge. I hope it leads you to peace and happiness very soon!
Feel free to join our party in the SSM forum anytime.
"fb2, I cant change it on my own. I cant. It's the truth. It takes 2 to tango my friend. And believe me, I am tested every day on my patience, understanding etc etc. I am beginning to feel like a fool here. NOT good. (disappointed not mad )" K, Not sure what you are referring to. But I sense your frustration. I've been told you can't change another person - if you are referring to changing your H.
Let's say you D and this H of yours is off with the OW. How would that feel to you?
...yep, K bought it, read it, twice, recommended it to all of us and worn the t-shirt, as they say
I'm still not convinced that he 'has you where he wants you', as your post above implies.. seriously.. look at the amount he has or has wanted to ML in the past 7/8 months.. thats NOT normal and I dont believe he is happy with that or how things stand. Just becuase he's not capable of changing it, doesnt mean therefore he is happy with it? Its just how it is, as to why that is, I dont understand (have you asked him why he is not interested in it?). Anyway, one for the SSM forum hey.
Yep, I agree. If I do make it to the next "stage" it will be SSM for me, not piecing... LOL
fb2 if we do divorce and he is "off with OW" and she is the one I am wrong about, I will mad as hell for all the lies. I will be hurt and disapointed and will get over it, not without tears and pain. Thankfully, there will be no change in my everyday life except the fact that we will go back to one weekend for him one for me with kids. I will be sad and probably for a long time that we failed but I think I will manage to go on with my life. Maybe when time is right we can be friends.
Ali, I dont care to explain his actions or non actions anymore. Sweets, what is the result? We can try and play shrinks but I cant make him love me the way I need him to.
Today he called once, really down "about his work, too much of it" and nothing else. If I do say something I will be cruel and mean since I will show I dont understand the pressure he is under. I dont and end up to resent him. Nothing new there...
Yeah, the Stosny book. I keep it my little library in my toilete. K
Ali, you are going to love this. I just got off the phone with H. He said he cant be living like this anymore and he needs to quit one job. He said he cant be coming over and sleep on the couch all the time ( I didnt mention this lately), and that his body is falling apart. I told him it's good that he brings that up because I was going to tell him the same thing how I cant go on like this. End of story, no excuses, no sugar coating. It isnt working for me either.
He said right now he cant think of us, its even more basic, like a survival thing. I thanked him for that comment and he got sour and said "of course you take this personal and I knew you would". Well, it sounded bad the way he said it in Greek, cant explain it in English, more like "I dont even care about seeing you guys more, I need to rest".
I suggested possible scenarios that would allow him to keep both jobs but for example work as an advisor to the morning one, going once or twice a week at the office and he said he will think about it. K
