Someone suggested I post my story here...

[Bagheera]

Im afraid that i did not marry him b/c i was in love passionately w/ him.. he was down on his luck and he was a very nice guy.. i wanted to get married and start a family.. iknwe he would be a good father and husband.. but im afraid there was no real passion to begin w/ and that is the hard part..

This is a sad, but also a -VERY- typical story. And it hurts like hell to hear, from the man's perspective -- I've been there. As LuckyGirl said, he'll need some time to recover from the blow, but he -can- recover.

What I would recommend you to do, is to recognize and reconnect with the aspects of him that you DID fall in love with. He must have had some of the traits you turn-on to, else you wouldn't have married him. He may not have had -all- of the ingredients for tripping your 'passion' trigger, but I'd bet that he had some of them.

Im afraid what i want is not possible for him.. it is not in his nature to be passionate..

He deserves the chance to try, HJR. Many, many men of his and my generation were taught, from birth, to suppress and control their passionate, masculine natures in favor of being more sensiive, more caring, more egalitarian towards women. These men honestly don't have a clue that what REALLY turns their women on is for them to unleash that primal, masculine side of themselves inside of the bedroom, and that it's alright to do so --> it's what their women secretly -want-.

Becoming more masculine, more dominant with your woman is something that CAN be learned (I'd call it more of a liberation process than a learning process), and it will benefit HIM as much as YOU. He'll be surprised at how enjoyable it will be for him, actually, once he gets past the initial discomforts / anxiety of it. I've walked that path myself (I still am) -- it CAN be done.

-- B.