so W tells me today she broke things off with OM and is very visibly upset by everything. She said she did it because it was disrespectful to me seeing as how we are still figuring out us and that OM was pissed. I don't care if if was pissed but it does hurt to see W so upset. I don't know what to do or say to her but i did thank her. I also don't know if she will keep it up or not because she is so upset. I guess time will tell. She also said that it doesn't change our sitch at all which i told her i knew. So how do i take this and what do i do from here?
Well Puppy. W is still visibly upset with her situation and is moving ahead full steam to getting her own place. I get that. Don't like it but I get it. She invited me out to lunch today but when I got there she just sat there looking miserable and not talking to me much at all. Weird. Like she wanted me to be there to see her all upset. Finally I asked her if when she moves to her own place she wanted to start working on us. She said it was not a good time to ask that question. So, I left it at that. She said nothing had changed and that she was moving out and going to see the mediator and I said that I understood that and that's where I was too. So....that's where we stand today. Not talking much at all and she is looking at two apartments this afternoon. I'm confused some, a little hurt, but not as much as I thought I would be....
Had my IC session today and it went ok. We talked about W's breakup with OM and my IC is suspicious of it. He said he either doesn't totally buy it or the reason she gave for it or that he doesn't truly believe it. He brought something to mind that I hadn't thought about and that was that W lost her phone last Thurs. and gets her own phone on her own account and then breaks up with OM. So now if she keeps things up with OM there is no phone record I could see to verify it. W seems genuinely upset right now and seems to be hurting but is it all an act. My gut is telling me it's not but my gut is also telling me that I don't know the whole story. Well, guess we shall see how that turns out. Even if the breakup is for real she is still not trying to work on our R so my plans stay the same as before. Go to the mediator and then see where I'm at after that. The counselor and I also talked about my feelings about the R in general now. I'm starting to question whether I want W back or not. I'm wondering what if we work through this and get back together...is she going to cut bait and run again the next time things get hard? Or will she learn and grow from this and be more able to work on things and fight for us if things get hard again. I don't think I could go through this every few years or so with her bailing and then coming back. Is that the woman I want to be married to? One that isn't willing to fight for the marriage. Is this a natural thing to think about in this situation and with detaching? So much to think through and work on for myself. IC also said if she does decide to work on things we should definitely go to counseling together. I told him that was the understatement of the year. That if she comes back I have the feeling I'm gonna put his kids through college. So that was the IC session for today. W is out tonight and I'm hanging out with D3. W called a little while ago and asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing ok and asked how she was. She got pissy with me and asked my why I would ask that. That she was hurt and getting angry. I asked if the anger was toward me and she didn't say anything. Then she talked to D3 for a little bit and went on her way. Have the feeling this is going to be going on for quite awhile now. Guess I'm going to have to go dim until W mellows out some so we don't blow up at each other. It was really hard to shoot back something along the lines of you're hurt and angry...how do you think I've been feeling for the past 4 months? But...bit my tongue and just took it and validated.... So hard sometimes not to just let it all out. But I do feel for her and I do hate to see her hurting. With everything going on and everything that came out in the counseling session today...I do still love her.
You could be right there Puppy. Or it could have been a mutual thing. She had said he was pressuring her to move in with him and she wasn't ready for that and D3 damn sure wasn't ready. I know how W reacts to pressure (hence...my sitch to some degree) and that would not go over so well. I wonder if they had a blow-out over it and broke up with each other. I just know she seems pissed at the world right now so no matter what it seems she is feeling the effects of not getting her "fix".
...and as you noted, W is not interested in working on the R. I've read numerous times on here that just because the OM is split doesn't mean the W runs back to LBS.
The common scenario seems to be ongoing confusion, now infused with frustration and fear.
Yeah, I figure if she decides she does want to work on the R it will be awhile from now...after she moves out. And honestly I don't think the thing with OM is completely done and until then she won't want to nor will I honestly. So for now...still moving forward with everything and will take each day as it comes. Good thing is that I don't feel as bad these days about it or about things if they don't work out. I still don't want things to end but I know that I'll be ok if they do. That I'll still have an awesome relationship with D3. And that when the time comes I'll be a lot better off to start a new relationship and be a better man in it than I have been. As much as all this sucks it's good in away because it was a wake up call for me to work on myself and become the best man I can so no matter what I have to be thankful for it.
If a WAS appears to be 'on the fence' and confused about where to take their life next, I wonder if 'showing tail lights' would do any good? That is, showing that I'm/we're moving beyond W with new friends, new travel, 1-on-1 'friend' outings, et cetera. I'm already GAL'ing, but haven't really talked about it much with W.
I guess in answering my own question, 'would do any good' for whom? (me, I suppose)
