Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

Still on the rollercoaster. I am on a downswing today. Feeling like I am still making stupid mistakes and not practicing the DB principles when I have opportunities.

We went to counceling yesterday and I fell into the same old patterns. Instead of validating her, I argued. I can see it all very clearly now. Why can't I do this when I really need to. I feel so incompetant. I keep sabotaging myself. Am I afraid of rejection so I set myself up to fail in a way that doesn't mean she rejected me because I forced her away.

I should be working on eliminating negative feelings and I am doing the opposite. In counceling I am going right to trying to fix the relationship instead of the more important reducing negative feelings.

I have also been trying to minimize contact to give her the time to think over what has happened and reduce the chance of more conflict. But life has gotten in the way of that. She also is made at me for saying I don't want to see her and would rather she didn't txt me during the day. Maybe I should just not say anything and just do my best to not initiate any contact and try to arrange things so we don't see each other. Send e-mails instead of call and leave notes instead of txt. If I keep doing it maybe she will respond accordingly.

Oh I don't know what to do now. Maybe I need to get a DB Coach. I need all the help I can get so maybe I should seriously consider that.

-Catherine