If your WAS would agree...

[NNP1965]

My H is still at his school 4-1/2 hours away. It is all just a big mess and I am beginning to be very glad that soon I will be able to not be a part of it.

The boys and I planned last night to go vivist friends that weekend.
If H continues to adhere to the financial agreement we came up with I will continue to pay down the bills. If not, I will file immediatley.

[NNP1965]

I think I have reached the stage of acceptance. Divorce is not my choice, but staying in an unhealthy marriage with a man who does not value me is a less desirable choice.

I no longer feel the desire to punish my H. I love him and want him to be happy. I hope he finds that somewhere. I will do what needs to be done to lessen the financial impact on us. I do not want to ruin us. If we can work together (while apart) on getting out of debt, that will be good for both of us.

[oldtimer]

What assurance do you have that H is not creating new debt, for which you would almost certainly be liable BTW...

[NNP1965]

I keep a pretty close eye on our credit report. I will continue to do so and at this point with our debt/income ratio NO ONE is going to give either of us any new credit.

[oldtimer]

Well that's good, do you get to see H's credit report?

[NNP1965]

yes, anything else you can think of that I am not right now?

[oldtimer]

not that I can think of... What is the advantage of paying off the debt before legal separation or D?

[NNP1965]

the advantage is having the debt paid off. I must be misunderstandin the question.

[WCW]

Well, it's easier to give you advice than it is to fix my own problems so....

What makes you think you can get the debt paid off NOW?
What makes you think your H will stop spending and adding to the pile of debt?
You mentioned a financial agreement, is H abiding? will he abide after he relocates?

Maybe you're already in the financial trap that I am stuck in. I've thought if I just get this done or that paid off THEN I can..... Don't be like me.

[NNP1965]

To his credit over the last 4 months he has really changed his spending. Normally when he is gone on a trip like this he would be out to eat and partying every night, but this time he has bought food to prepare in his room and not gone out but a very few times and only gotten cash a couple of times. We will actually make a pretty good chunk on travel money this trip. I've always heard of people doing that, but it never happened for us before. This was all done on his own. I did not suggest it at.

We would both be better off in the long run to get the debt paid down. He is very agreeable to the plan I came up with. However if he does not abide after he relocates then I file.