D1 took a few steps by herself this morning! \:\) I was sitting in the middle of the room and she was hanging on a daycare worker's leg, and I said "Come to daddy" and held my arms out. She took about 5-6 steps towards me before falling down. She then whimpered for a minute, then reached out to me and I picked her up. She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder.

W isn't driving her car now, not sure if she's having car trouble or wrecked it. She is driving FIL's old vehicle to work now. Something to note, not sure what it means.

I'm still communicating strictly about D1 and focusing all my energy there.

I appreciate your kind words Kimmie, as well as your assessment of the situation I find myself in. I'm not a doctor by any means, but everything I've read about BPD has had that "lightbulb effect" where all of her behavior matches up with what I've been reading. Some of the things I've read are downright eerie in the sense that they almost seem to be writing specifically about my situation.

Have been reading:
SPLITTING: Protecting yourself when divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist

It even lists 3 common divorce scenarios and one of them (moderate) seems to describe my situation. I should be very thankful I didn't fall for a high-functioning Borderline... that can get pretty hairy from what I've read - and I had a friend in the Navy go through a divorce with a BPD diagnosed wife who has pretty much ruined his career with false accusations.

From what I understand about BPD, trying DB principles will not work because W is master of emotional cutoff. If I'm not communicating with her - I don't exist. She will feel bad about her A eventually, but I'm not sure what it will take for her to wake up. She seems to fit the criteria of the "Borderline Waif" from what I've read. My friend's wife was more of the "Witch" variety... similar to xW.

So I'm going to order the book "Co-dependent No More" because my IC recommended it after I discussed my prior relationship patterns.

Best thing I can do right now is continue documenting via audio/video/journal all of W's behavior and our conversations so that she isn't able to make up anything wild.

Right now the only personal interaction I have with W is on Saturday morning and evening. Outside of that I text-message 4-5 times per week to ask about D1. Amazingly, the communication breakdown is also something that is textbook for Non-BP's to resort to out of instinct from what I've read... so learning a lot about myself as well.

So... GAL, work on me, and see what happens. Everything else should take care of itself. I keep having weak moments, but ultimately remind myself of a few key facts:

1. You can't guilt-trip a wayward. Even if you succeed in making them feel horrible about themselves - it was you who did it and that doesn't attract them back.
2. They have to come to the realization on their own - or not at all. The best thing you can do for yourself is give up control of their behavior - because you'll only drive yourself crazy.
3. Focus on yourself, become independent, and take care of any children you have. One way or the other, you'll be in a better place when you get to decision-time. If you take back a wayward when you are emotionally drained, you invite cake-eating.

"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."