You are absolutely right that i need to figure out what i want.. and I have no clue..no clue what so ever..
He has had to come clean about not being happy either and he needs to really look at that.. plus deal w/ my actions...
I feel like he is waiting for some sort of BIG SIGN from me..and i dont have one..I truely dont know what i want..and how long can that go on?.. Does it finally come to you.? DOes the answer become so obvious that you cant ignore it.. b/c right now.. i am at a loss..that's the best way to describe it..
I think we both want to work on it b/c we are neither one ready to call it quits and we think its the "Right thing" to do..but not really because i have recommited to him or he to me...
There is so much more on the table now than just me "cheating" and me being unhappy.. there are many years of BOTH of us being unhappy and it has been a startling emotional discovery for both of us.. i think he is impatient and wants to neatly 'resolve" the issue..but i know it will take alot of time..and what bothers me is i feel like to get started I feel like i have to "fake" the interest b/c its not there right now..
I know i have hurt him.. and not sure he can recover from that..but this has opened the door on alot of issues that have apparently been pent up for years..and i dont think he would have ever told me those things if he had not been angry at me for cheating..so who knows how long he would have lived in misery..now its just a different misery..
I realize i need to figure out what i want.. and i hope our counselor can help us figure that out from each other.. b/c i dont have a clue..
