The adventure continues--part 3

[AFWAW]

PD,
Thanks for your encouragement.

Got an email from the wife this morning. Here are some parts of it.

Please understand I am not ready for a physical relationship at this point. I am trying to come to terms with the fact I've
let myself get used. All this time you thought it was your fault and I let you think it was. I'm the one who deserves being left. I'm the one who messed up. I'm the one who
doesn't get it until it's too late.

I won't be coming there to stay permanently for a while, but I would like to visit more often and get used to being around you again. I've cut out the flirtations. I've learned my lesson about where they lead. John, I've been promiscuous and seemed to embrace the wickedness of it.

You're so good and loving and steady and strong and I don't deserve you. Not for one minute. You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve so much better. I can never erase this or even try to make up for it. Our marriage will never be the same and you know it. I ruined it.


Do I feel better? A little but I still am hurting plenty. I called her this morning and we talked. She asked some pretty good questions. How can you ever trust me again? I said, well, it will take some work and faith but I know if we work at it together I can and we can have a better marriage than we ever had before.

Won't you think of me with someone else when we ML? No, I won't--that would be stupid and counterproductive to the marriage. If I thought I couldn't get past this then I wouldn't ask you to come home.

Are you doing this just for our daughter? No, I'm doing this for us because I love you and miss you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I told her that I'd thought a lot about what she'd told me when she confessed. I told her I knew it was hard for her to come clean and that I appreciated that she had. I told her I knew she made mistakes but that the last mistake was the worst as it was emotional and that was the biggest threat to our marriage. She said how can you be so calm. I said oh, I haven't been but I see little point in yelling at you as it will not undo what has happened. I told her I would have to deal with the anger myself and would find ways to do so. She said you're very understanding and forgiving and I don't deserve you. I asked her to stop saying that she didn't deserve me and to let me decide what I wanted and deserved.

Overall, a good conversation. I guess I can understand her reservations about everything. My healing has started. I did encourage her and tell that when she came home we had to go to counseling--it was mandatory. She agreed. So, hopefully this will be a good day. We'll see. Wish me luck and please continue to provide me with your feedback as it's still not over at this point.