HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[trampledheart]

I'm a little drunk right now so excuse me if I don't make too much sense.

So, guess what? I had H served this evening.

Yup. I actually did it. With help from my daughter, her best friend, and her boyfriend.

So, to recap how this all happened, let's see, ummmm, well first, I texted Hubby the previous night (the 20th) - and asked if he would like to meet for Happpy Hour the following day. H replied, "Maybe. Doesn't sound too bad."

Then the following day, he mailed me and said, "I'll meet you for Happy Hour if D21 comes too."

So, then...

I got to the Restaurant/Bar around 7pm and he was sitting at the bar... I thought I looked great (several guys checked me out) but he seemed to not notice, hardly even looked at me.

He asked about D21, and I told him they (D21, her boyfriend and best girlfriend) were running late. I arranged to get a table for all of us and we order some sushi and drinks. I asked him about work, and he talked about how he had to fire someone on Friday. He didn't really talk with me about much, he hardly even looked at me. I felt I was doing all the talking.

I chit-chatted about mundane things at first, and wound up commenting and asking about OW and him. I felt like this may be my last chance of finding out answers to the questions I've had for so long. I know, I shouldn't have brought up OW, and I even knew it as I said anything... But I couldn't help it. Well maybe I could've, but I did it anyways. I saw he was a bit annoyed/uncomfortable. So I backed off.

I remember telling H about my first upcoming appointment with a therapist - a MFT. And he replied with a "Hmmmm".

I also asked if we could meet and have "dates" in the future, and he said "No, no dates..."

When D21, her boyfriend, and best friend arrived, things got a bit lighter and more fun for him. We all drank and ate and talked... He was having a pretty good time. At a later point he even said that he wanted to do this again with everyone...

Had various topics of conversation... At one point, we talked about how D21 and boyfriend had been planning to go to Ireland using the airline points (as H had promised months ago). But now, they were thinking of going to Japan instead. H didn't comment or fess-up about having used them all up. He made no comment of his upcoming trip (Thursday AM) to Rome with OW...

The original plan was this: my daughter's best friend would be be the one to serve H. But that's not how it happened...

Will let you know later... Really tied!

[SoCo]

Just curious... why do you have to figure out how to serve him? In TX, they have either a process server or a constable do it. Sounds like it could create lots of drama if you have to figure it out...

[trampledheart]

Hi SoConfused,

I decided to serve him before he left for his trip, so I talked to my Atty. He said I could have a process server do it. But I didn't want to take a chance of a server not being able to serve H before he left for his trip. So I asked if a friend could serve him. He said yes.

So to continue from my last post...

D21's boyfriend started talking about how he loved D21 and how great it was being with all three of us girls, even though it's been a burden. We all laughed about how having D21 as a girlfriend came with the extra baggage of her best friend and her mom!

The convo took a serious note when D's boyfriend said to H, "You have no idea how it's been these past 2 years... Even for me... I've gone through so much being there for them after you abandoned them. I don't understand how you could even leave here tonight, to be with the other girl, when you're with these great girls, your daughter and your wife right now." We all started tearing up... H left to go to the restroom.

While H was in restroom, D's boyfriend asked for the papers and said he wanted to serve H (instead of D's girl friend). I hadn't had a chance to talk to H about it, but after what D's boyfriend said, it seemed appropriate, so I gave him the papers.

H came back to the table and the boyfriend said, "I'm sorry, but I have to give you this, you're served." and put the papers on the table. H took them and said to D21, "It's okay, it's all part of the process."

Then H stood up to leave, and I told H that no one really wanted to do this... I asked to talk to him, but he said, "No, it's okay, I want to talk D21..." and the two of them went out of the restaurant together.

We followed them out a few minutes later and H and D21 were sitting on a bench outside talking, they both looked teary-eyed, and we waited a few yards away to give them more time. Then after 10 minutes or so, D21 came over to us. H just left without a word or a look over at me. It seemed more like H was divorcing D21 instead of me.

D21 told me that H just told her that he's going to Italy and had used our airline points. D21 said she just looked at him like "what the hell" and reminded him that she had been wanting to go back to Italy ever since her high school trip to Italy. H told her that if we all wanted to go to Ireland or Japan, that'd be fine, he'd pay for it... She said H said that maybe someday we could all go to Italy together...

I asked if H had mentioned me and she said no, except she took his comment about "all go to Italy together" as me included - because in her mind, "we all" includes me.

That's what happened...

Trampledheart

[MrBond]

TH,

I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. You made the right decision in having him served and I give your D's BF total praise for being man enough to do something like that.

That's a fine young man your D has there.

[trampledheart]

Stuck808,

I felt the same about D's BF... I was amazed. It was a perfect. How he expressed his personal feelings to H was excellent, especially coming from another guy. We were all amazed. I hope it hit home for H... I hope he realizes how much pain he had caused.

H might be thinking about how he could "fix" this so that D and BF will understand him.

I feel sad that H didn't address me at all... Does he really have no feelings for me? I don't think he has... Now, what to do with myself... Where do I go from here?

This morning I found that there's a leak underneath the kitchen sink and toyed wit the idea of emailing H about it. I guess I should just call a plumber...

Trampledheart

[MrBond]

yes call the plumber.

If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that he probably felt pretty ashamed at everything he's done. Not only did he have to be given a lesson in morality by someone half his age, but also he disappointed his daughter.

He tried to cover up by saying he would take you all out to Italy, but you know that's not going to happen.

What would have been great is if your D told him that it was another way that he's disappointed her and is ashamed of him.

That would have been a great way to start his vacation! : )

If he tries to contact you, just stay strong and ignore it unless it's something urgent.

Continue to be the rock and DO NOT engage him. Don't even ask him around. Go out and have good times on your own. All while working on your looks and making yourself presentable.

Give the OW a run for her money. Maybe bump up the sexiness to boost your self confidence. It's obvious other people can see it even if H can't.

[trampledheart]

Stuck808,

H offered to lend camping gear, tent and two sleeping bags to D and BF who are going this weekend to Stagecoach (a Country version of Coachella) for this weekend. She's supposed to go pick it up at his place after he comes back from work. So maybe I'll hint something to her about saying how disappointed and ashamed she was of him.

I was really hoping that Italy thing would happen, but yeah, I doubt he'd follow through. Probably made all those promises only because he was feeling bad at the moment. Remember, this is the same man that did not have anything to do with us at Christmas...

Stuck808, do you have a myspace account? I do, but is there a way to just give it to you - like a private message?

[brandnewday]

I have no issue at all with you having your Husband served.

Getting a legal separation will protect your financial future.

My issue with you is that you chose to not only set up your Husband which is downright sneaky, but you also involved your daughter, and her friend.

She may be legally at adult, but this is her Father and you had no right to do that to her and put her in the middle.

So, now that you have done everything in your power in hopes of ruining his vacation with OW as your payback do you feel better now?

Tell me how this actually helped your situation?


Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned.

[trampledheart]

After H left lastnight, D's BF said that now it's time for me to move on, that I'm beautiful and can find someone better. I looked at him and said, sure right now I'm dressed up but... And he said I've sen you at your worst and you're still beautiful. D's bestfriend agreed with him.

I guess my self-esteem has been quite low...I don't know if they're just trying to make me feel better. I'm thinking at my age, it would be difficult to meet someone... I wish I was 25 yrs younger!

Trampledheart

[MrBond]

Hi TH,

I don't have a myspace account, but if you have an email that you could hide in a message I could respond. Of course it's something I don't condone since it's against the rules ; )