Sorry I've not posted in a while but I have been keeping up with your sitch. I'm sorry you're still feeling so low about everything. It's understandable but it's not endless. Take it from me. I separated from my W at the beginning of January and was destroyed by it. I managed to come out the other end now though and am feeling quite content with my life right now. No, my W and I have not reconciled. Yet! I'm remaining positive though and doing what I can to improve my R. It's taking time and I accept that. The one thing I've learned from all this is patience. If you want to find some inspiration from someone who has come out the other end and reconciled fully with his WAW, look up Coach. He has a sticky thread at the start of Newcomers and it's an inspiration. I recommend you read it any time you're feeling down. We can come out of this Mark, don't lose hope just because it seems so dark at the moment.
For what it's worth, I'm one of those who don't agree with Puppy in relation to PA/EA. I have no idea if my W is seeing someone else at the moment and I'm not about to go snooping to find out. I just know that trying to find out about something like that would drive me insane. I can't change her in any way, I can only change me. That's one of the first lessons of DBing. What you can do though is stop torturing yourself. Enjoy your time with your kids. Don't just see it as your W offloading them. It's a blessing to have your children with you. Cherish it. I know you're stressing out over what she's doing when you have the kids. You need to stop that now! No good can come of it. You'll only make yourself feel worse because lets face it, you're never going to know for sure. I don't care how you do it but do something to keep your mind off those thoughts. Through time and practice I managed to teach myself to alter a train of thought so I replaced a negative thought with a positive one. In the movie Happy Gilmour, it was described as going to your happy place. Just do whatever it takes to stop yourself making up scenarios in your head about what your W is up to.
It does seem to me Mark as though you are still pursuing big time. You may be hiding it from your W to a certain extent but until you can stop pursuing in reality, you'll never feel content within yourself. You say you've accepted that this is going to take time. I've accepted it too and realised from that acceptance that there are going to be times when I see no improvement at all.
Just accept the things you can't change Mark and try to become comfortable within yourself.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
