H called when he was on his way over yesterday. He says Glam I can't sleep. I have been up all night. He says Glam I don't know what to do. He said does depression keep you awake? He said am I depressed? He said I don't know anymore.
H also talked about moving to another state. He wanted to know what I thought and what state I would be interested in moving. It's hard because, if that is what would put our family back together I would move in a heart beat and start over. Not sure if h truly wants to do that or is this just convo.
H arrived and looked terrible. Looked like h hadn't shaved in a week. He looked exhausted. He plopped on the couch and asked if I could make him some lunch. I did, and then he was too exhausted to eat it.
He said Glam I want to ML to you, but I am so exhausted. I said h don't worry about it. Just rest. He looked like he was going to start crying. I know he doesn't want to feel this way and must feel so bad inside.
I was leaving for work and he said he didn't have any energy to walk me out. I said h it's ok, call me if you need anything. He called later and said he had rested and felt better. He asked me to join him and the kids for a quick dinner. I did. We had a nice time. H asked if I wanted to hang out with him. Not sure what that meant. Then he said could you start walking me to the door when I leave?
I am at a loss as to what to do with h's depression. Now he is off the meds, so not sure what to expect here. I mentioned we have C this week and if he was going. He gave me a blank stare and didn't answer. I will find out later and cancel in advance as to not pay this time around.
Life is a puzzle of sorts........
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Your H sounds so depressed and it does seem that ends up doing all kinds of things that just make it worse. I am sorry.
I wonder if there is some kind of physiological change that happens in the brain of people who go through a MLC. It is almost as if they have brain damage and they are struggling to make new connections in their brain to come up with rational logical decisions but somehow, they just can't get there. How logical would it be for you to move anywhere until your H has recommitted to the M? Your H seems to searching to find a way out of his depression but it seems like he just keeps going around in circles.
I sometimes wonder if my H is really depressed...if he is, it is definately more covert.
I am amazed at your patience with your H. You are very strong person.
Good for you on the detox. How long have you been on it?
Glam, Sounds to me like going "cold turkey" off the meds has his system totally screwed up (more than it was before). I'm glad you listened, but there's nothing you can do for him. He's got to stick to the ADs in order to get over this depression. His hormones are out of whack as well. Not sleeping is depression and also the fact that he's been taking sleeping pills and sleeping all hours of the day and night hasn't helped either.
I'm sorry he's messed up. I do hope and pray he'll get himself checked into a doctor's office very soon.
PS: The talk about moving...it's all part of the depression. He thinks that his problems will be solved if he's living elsewhere. In their minds, it's the environment, relationship, people, etc.....never once do they look within. Changing the scenery will not help him...only he can do that w/the help of the man upstairs.
Feeling down. I let h know last week that I would need him to step up with responsibilities with the kids, since I would be taking on more responsibility with my job and of course he is no where to be found. I know have No expectations, but he is the kids father and should be taking on more of a burden since he is not working and I am trying to hang onto a job.
It's the part I will never understand. The dumping all in my lap. I don't believe the day will come that h will step up and be the father he needs to be for his kids. I guess it's easier to parent from a distance and sit on the sidelines. No reason to really get that involved, when Glam is here. Really how do I get him involved? Just stop parenting myself? My h has no idea how I feel inside and how devastated and overwhelmed I am with all the responsibilities.
I just sit typing on the keyboard and look around at the neighborhood dads outside playing ball, biking, walking the dog, washing the car with their kids. I am envious. That is what I want for my life. Not sure if my h doesn't want that same life for himself or his kids or is he just too bitter to care? He has no idea how this whole living arrangement affects the kids, nor does he ever address it. I would like to think it's all about depression, but you do have choices in your life to change your behavior and your circumstances. It's not like someone is putting a gun to h's head and saying you MUST stay a victim h. You MUST continue to shun those that truly care.
My s20 is such a wonderful son. I texted him and let him know I was feeling down and he sent me some positive and enlightening texts. He is such an inspiration for me and keeps me going. He said he would come over and help. He turned out so much more than I ever expected. Such a wonderful caring young man. He truly cares how I feel. My h has no clue and everytime I talk with h it's always about how I don't understand, always criticizing everything about me, as if I don't have feelings. I guess my h has burried any feelings he has ever had or wouldn't dare show that side of himself. I guess it wouldn't be manly. I am beginning to think I really don't know much about h anymore.
I have read here about dating and would really like to meet someone that could enjoy me for me and not point out all my faults. I know that may sound odd, but it's hard to continue on when I don't get much in return. I am tired of being alone and living and waiting, when life in general has so much to offer that it shouldn't be wasted on those that can't appreciate ...
Contemplating what to do with my life!
Last edited by glamgirl; 04/22/0904:00 AM.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, your H's behaviour is textbook. He is the classic MLC/WAH. I don't expect that to change. You cannot count on him to step up to help, or in fact to do anything.
Thank you for posting on my thread. I am glad that you like to read my posts and that they give you some hope.
I am sorry that your H is not the partner you really need and want but like braveheart said, he is in MLC and you will get no help from him. I can imagine how devastated and overwhelmed you are with all the responsibilities.
I wish you a peaceful rest of the week and a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
G, I am sorry you are so down. I just want you to know, as someone who suffered/suffers from depression and anxiety, that your h is in a bad way. Going off meds cold turkey is a very bad thing to do.
I am not in any way making excuses for your h. But, when you are depressed, it feels like you are trying to swim in Jello. You keep trying to get to the top and you just cant.
But he really needs to find a good psychiatrist and get on the right meds. It took me 5 different meds, different combinations and doses and the right therapist to finally stabilize. He needs to be dilligent and stay on top of it.
I know how difficult dealing with a depressed person is. It is a large part of why my marriage fell apart.
Only your h can fix himself. He has to hit bottom before he will. You need to distance yourself and move forward with your life.
He knows you are there for him. That is very obvious. But, you are a crutch for him. He needs to see that you are living your life. It wasnt until my h had dropped the bomb that I realized just how sick I was. It was then that I took the steps necessary to get well.
Things just get way worse. H shows up madder than *ell about the taxes today. I said we have C at 5pm and he says not going.
Of course, it's all about me. Why should I go Glam you went off doing your own thing. Filing taxes separately. Then you go to C separately. We will just do everything separately. You threw me under the buss. A partner would not do that.
He said yes I am going to hold that against you. He said Glam you don't listen never did. I said h I tried that past 3 years, he said you didn't try. He said if you just want to end it then let's just end it. You don't listen anyway.
I carry stress in my back and by this time the stress was too much. My back was in so much pain and I took a muscle relaxer and then started throwing up. I am sick to my stomach. Trying to manage the kids and dealing with h. I can't even imagine working tomorrow.
C called trying to help, but h wouldn't take his call. what a mess. All I know is that I am on stress overload and can't handle anymore on my plate.
I am going to go to bed now and try to rest. I am in so much pain and won't be able to sleep.
H is off in the blame zone again, can't understand me. Can't see why I had to file the taxes without him.
What a mess!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hi Glam just posted and it has been lost? So just to say thinking of you and hope you manage to rest and your back pain eases. You REALLY now have to DETACH, let this man go,he is dragging you down and then who will help you. Have you ever tried NC. Difficult I know when he looks after the kids sometimes but maybe find anothe way of doing this. Take care.
