No, I do have the boys until Friday. This is the week S8 tracks back into school, starting the last term before he finishes out the second grade. I will be childless again.
Even worse is that her L talked to my L today -- xW is now definitely filing a complaint against me seeking temporary and permanent legal and physical custody of our S's.
Talk about kick a man when he's down. First the D, now this -- but it's no real surprise, of course. It's just par.
I don't really get her anymore. She can act so smarmy around people sometimes, but you can never be sure anymore if she's not just readying a knife to stick into your back. I guess the person she was before, earlier in our R when she seemed so kind, compassionate and patient towards me and everyone else, never really existed. Now she's just a hollow mask.
Oh, well. I have to just keep reminding myself that I need to only take ownership of those things I can affect change upon, not sweat all these many things I cannot change. As per the Serenity Prayer, I will do what I can. And if she manages to accomplish her worst, so be it -- she will just damage herself as much as anyone else.
But unfortunately some of that collateral damage will be made against our S's, and that will be on her soul. And no, that doesn't really make it any easier for me to realize that she will one day meet her maker and have to answer for these transgressions. She was at least at some point my W, and she is still the mother of my S's, and as such I really do not relish the thought of her losing her soul and spending the rest of eternity in damnation. But that's the road she's now on, and she would drag us all down with her if she could.
So I will continue to pray for her. And I will continue to ask Christ to show me how I can continue to forgive her, even in the face of the extreme torture she wants to inflict on all of us. Because it is not going to be easy to forgive her, and I am not going to want to do so. In fact, I am struggling with this constantly. But I must forgive her. I must.
