Mark, I do not know whether I am a good adviser. I myself was married for 13 years, if you count only happy years, and I spent over two years trying to fix what should had never be broken. Your are just recently separated, let me tell you what I think is important 1) At this stage your wife probably hates you. If you feel so, try to be helpful to your wife, i.e. double your time with kids, do many little helpful things, trying at the same time, not to annoy her with your excessive presence. In other words you should try to brake a stereotype she has about you and at the same time stay detached- it is not easy by the way. 2)This is most important, from my perspective, and many would disagree with me. Here is the thing- as difficult as it is now, you are a man and you should take care of your family. You have to stay away from you wife for a while, but you may take an initiative about college savings for your kids, you may plan a summer break together with them. Your wife is a different thing now, but try to be supportive when she talk of her career or work related problems or show some respect when you discuss her friends or relatives etc. As I see it women seek a support and whether you play 180 or not you should be there when she needs it. What concerns the money I would avoid talking of them. I would not even think of them. 3) Concerning her potential affair please consider this: she is emotionally not ready now, just few months after the separation. She may see somebody out of pure anger at you, but this is smth different and hopefully will end soon. Anyway if she is in the affair right now, then every time she sees you, she is comparing you with another guy, so please stay cool. I also think it is not so easy to replace a loving husband and father with any other person Take care, Art
