Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Hi Peace- Thanks for the post. I think this afternoon bothered me b/c it was one of the first times I remember my H in a way having a pity party at my expense and in a way blaming me for being lucky enough to get paid well for what I do every(work)day. I also realized my H really is snooping and not just seeing books piled under my nightstand-he really had to look for the written book title and the upside down title of the book by my bed. Any other MLCers caught snooping? I thought that would be the last thing they would do as they are so opposed to being around us LBS.

Tonight we went to our communication class and its based on the ERAP technique and the book "How to Fight for your Marriage"- which in my reading a zillion books since January I have read! Of course H felt decieved by his therapist as she told him this was a communication class, not necessarily based on saving a marriage... But to give him credit, he stuck it out and participated with me in the few exercises we did. He acknowledged he does the four types of dangerous communication (in fact we did them all this afternoon!)..He wants to feel known and therefore loved. I said I wanted to know him and he got a bit huffy. He really is balking at anything that would indicate an effort on his part to improve our mariage. The therapist leading the group did bring up some other books people might be intersted in and one was Divorce Busters.

Not sure how well this class will work with me trying to be dim as we are supposed to practice our new communication skills as we learn them. This class seems to be going the more traditional route of marriage preservation and since H is in a MLC I'm not sure how this will play out b/c the last thing he wants to do or seem to be doing is working on our R.

Any other DBers go through something like this and if so, how did it go? Any known potholes to sidestep? Any suggestions whatsoever?