Communication with the inlaws can be tricky but you have only bad alternatives. If they reach out and you close them off...well, good luck with that approach. You'll be closing the door and you don't want to do that b/c it's rude and punitive looking. If these are their grandchildren, don't put them in a worse position than they are already in. Reassure them and your kids.
Say that you'll never interfere with their R's with the kids and want to make sure they keep those lines of communications open, as if you are "getting" that you might not be M, but that they will always be in the kids' lives. This keeps that possibility open for the h as well AND btw, it is important and good for your kids to know they are not losing everyone associated with h. Don't forget the kids! I think it IS reasonable to mention your concern about the kids, to the inlaws IF IT'S appropriate or applicable. They care about them too, I assume.
LISTEN WELL and don't treat them like spies, but don't think they'll "agree with you", or discuss how "wrong" their own adult children are. They are his parents AND maybe they think he's got a point?? BUT for sure, they want him to be happy and he isn't happy now.
I did not want to write or say anything that would come back to me and haunt me later if we DID reconcile, or if we went to div court....don't screw yourself mouthing off or begging or whining too much OR making him the bad guy. That will NOT WORK...no parent will come in and "straighten their own kid" out (UNLESS THEY KNOW HE'S DONE WRONG--NOT YOUR JOB TO INFORM THEM-- AND IF THEY KNOW THAT HE'S MESSED UP, THEY'VE ALREADY SAID SOMETHING TO HIM THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT, IF THEY'RE THE TYPE. IF THEY ARE NOT THE TYPE TO SAY ANYTHING--"PEACE AT ALL COSTS"--OR "COWARDS"--"CHEATERS" THEMSELVES, ETC--THEN IT'S POINTLESS TO EXPECT THEM TO SAY ANYTHING TO HIM -AND YOU'RE FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE ASKING...
That's so important, I put it all in caps. My ex sil came to me to complain about my brother (they fought a lot). No cheating or abuse or drinking too much, just both fighting & wanting the other to change. She constantly wanted me to somehow say something that would make my brother totally change his personality...yeah, no thanks.
In my sitch, I said something to my inlaws like I'd always support the kids staying in touch with them and visiting them/his family, and as for my feelings, I said something to the effect of "Though I'll always love your son, things are not looking up for us at this point..." and I followed that with something positive about how kind they treated me over the years, thanking them for that, and left it at that.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
